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Megha
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xx is Your Daughter/Son In These Pictures
« Thread started on: Jul 19th, 2005, 1:47pm »

Aunties and Uncles,

Desi Youth Majority of them are two-faced and Biggest Liars Going On!!!! Check Among the pictures to see if your daughter/son is in them. You'll be surprisec to see your child or your friend's child in these pictures. Take A Rel Good Look.

Desi Party Site:

http://www.desiparty.com/pictures/index.aspx



Desi Club.com Pictures:

http://www.desiclub.com/parties/dcppatrol/party_roundup.cfm

You parents are equally to blame for not questioning your kids when they return late at night or they dress bad!!!!
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Singh
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xx Re: is Your Daughter/Son In These Pictures
« Reply #1 on: Aug 3rd, 2005, 5:56pm »

Megha,

It seems the viewers of the site are more interested in seeing others party and finding out party events than what Dr. Vijay Mehta, you, and other contributors of the site are saying.

The numbers of viewers are increasing here than other posts!!!!!

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Anu
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xx Re: is Your Daughter/Son In These Pictures
« Reply #2 on: Aug 3rd, 2005, 6:00pm »

Yup, its true what you both are saying....
Honestly most people are ignorant and too occupied with their own desires than to hear people out that are preaching Good Things...
Megha, I woudlnt worry Dear...
If people want to ignore let them....
More and more families are having problems anyways...
It will eventually hit home to them...
Then their freaking eyes will open
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Anu
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xx Re: is Your Daughter/Son In These Pictures
« Reply #3 on: Aug 9th, 2005, 2:45pm »

Many find dating a good thing...
there is a reason why God prohibits that...
Already I see many Indian families marriages declining/failing... and problems that you see on Indian soaps...sadly many homes have that in real life...


The girls and boys that date...now will be haunted later on....they will think of their ex's and run off with them...or the ex will be angry at their former guy or gurl and want to break their home and family for not marrying them...

in the future their ex will ring the bell of their house and cause trouble....
majority will do that...
and the Indian families that have pride in their non-desi son or dauther in law majority will be haunted by divorce and fighting for custody of children or getting dollars and properties...
the real American problems...
If these Indian families dont know Americans well and how their culture is, then why marry them off to one?


Im sorry for be frank but look at the bad side too...

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Unknown Guest
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xx Re: is Your Daughter/Son In These Pictures
« Reply #4 on: Aug 10th, 2005, 6:27pm »

Uncle, Megha, and to all those who read these messages, I would like to share you a personal painful experience that happened to my sister few years ago.
My sister had a broken marriage through Indian Dating Habits that you all have mentioned and she and our family went through a period of anger, shock, and confusion.


My sister was married to a Gujarati gentleman in Massachusetts for over a year. The gentleman lived here in the states for over 15 years and was well educated. He like what many Indian youth are doing today had a girl friend in college. The dated for a long period of time, but then went there separted ways. The gentleman family then decided to get him married and he agreed. He and my sister got married after 7 months of knowing each other. They seemed like a compatible couple, but that was tested.

My former brother-law couple months of the marriage started to keep in contact with the old girl friend in college. My sister didnt know anything about his past dating and he did deny when my sister asked.
My sister's ex-husband used to come late after work and my sister would ask about his whereabouts. Of course he lied about overtime and such. He would spend time with his old girl friend and eat at her apartment. The old girlfriend would say my sister made a lousy wife and that it was the gf responsibility to take of him even though my sister was a great wife to him.
One day, my former brother -in law eloped with the old girl friend. He just left my sister and his family.
The police were notified and he was brought back, but shortly after few days he moved out of state with the old girlfriend. Everyone in my community tried to help us bear the pain and find a solution.

My sister waited for him patiently but he didnt return.
My former brother in law did get married with his old girl friend and has a child with her.
My sister remaaried, but she is left with a scar.
As a person who witnessed a horrific divorce, I ask Indian Youth to think of God and respect his wishes.
Like what some of the people here said, when you date you lose something to that person and when you get married to another person, you think about your previous relationships.
This is exactly what happened to my sister.
So I ask you all to think about Religion's view of dating and why it's prohibited.
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Unknow Guest
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xx Re: is Your Daughter/Son In These Pictures
« Reply #5 on: Aug 10th, 2005, 7:18pm »

Continuation of Previous Post:


My sister used to ask God why she was treated like this in marriage? She would tell God and others that she was a good daughter that dressed modestly, no drinks or smoke, she did not date, a hardworker in studies, generous, and patient woman. She is a rare person to know that displays those qualities.
I remember my sister and I would talk about marriage and she would tell me that God should give her a spectacular guy for being a good daughter. My sister use to feel like she was betrayed completely by the ex husband and God.
She would ask what she do to derserve this failed marriage. My sister said that even good girls/boys are vulnerable in bad spouse even if they are a good person that leads a righteous life as much as they can. it really hurts her to say this because even this day she is left with scars.
She said destiny lead her to this marriage, but it still puzzles her.
I honestly beleive that there will be many cases like what happened to my family. I dont think Indian parents and kids really would be able to close the barriers of understanding one another no matter how hard people try.
If the links of desi parties show the other side of youth and when you see the same youth with their own parents or family seeing the same kids in different lives. You know that desi parents and youth dont communicate with each other frequently and talk about topics relating to dating, drinking, and other areas that you poster have mentioned.
If the parents are tricked by their own children of their other life than what will it take to open both of your eyes, like when later on in life your kids face a Huge Problem?

I remember having a Huge confrontation with my sister's ex after the divorce. I told him you will never feel remorse or understand what you put for both of our families. I promised you that each day, I ask for punishment for you from God. I hope you get deceived the same way by your children and then you will realize what you done wrong.

Divorce is painful and it effects all members of the families. What I learned about marriage those who truly beleive in the divine and live by his words are likey to have a happy everlasting marriage. You all may not agree, but our parents are truly an example of that.
They listened to their familes, elders, God, and live by community standards. They fully beleive in it and continue to stand by it, that's why they rarely have divorces.
Did our parents dated? No...
I do beleive times have changed, but i really beleive if you go according or similar to these standards it would yield to a happy marriage.

To those who date now or in the past, do realise that you have the capability of scarring families in marriage. Dont marry some person out of force when in fact you are in love with your past love or having tendancy to follow them. Do marry the past love than causing future problems.

Both partners in marriage need to live by God words through words and actions to have a strong ideal marriage. You have to live in continously and have alot of belief in God's words to make a marriage work. Im so proud and so honored to have great parents and many Indian Aunts and Uncles that I do and dont know that demontrate good values to us all.
Be glad to know that there are people like me watching you and want to follow your footsteps....

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Unknown Guest
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xx Re: is Your Daughter/Son In These Pictures
« Reply #6 on: Aug 10th, 2005, 8:21pm »

Continuation of Previous Post:

I decided to ask out of curiousity to young guys ages 19-29 about their view on marriage and girls.
The guys ranged from single, dating or were in past relationships, to married guys. (total 14 guys)

It turned out that majority of them 11 out of 14 were dating or have dated before and said that they were either in that phase of being crazy about girls or wanted to become a better partner for future wife through dating a girl.
Majority found it satisfying to please their emotions. Some guys felt strongly about marriage and wished to married their girl friend in the future even if the guy was 22 and the girl friend 18 at the time.
Some guys on the other hand were into flings and could care less about marriage, all they wanted to do is date and be like showing off their woman/women.

The 4 out 6 guys that used to date who are single that are looking for marriage partner say, they wouldnt marry the girl that used to date or would ever considering marrying someone like her.
They all said they would prefer a a girl that never dated or isnt labled negatively by people. They prefer a girl that was apt for household chores and someone that would be a good role model for kids and family/society.


The younger guys in their teens and early twenties are more interested in fulfilling their hearts desires and going out with a pretty face than overall personality and looks. Majority said a pretty face and body was a Big turn on and they wouldnt want to pass them up.
As far as low-key girls, they wouldnt prefer them because they would rather show his friends and to the world a pretty girl than risk being ridiculed or question about his preference on a Low-Key girl.

Majority of the guys I was surprised, feel that girls have a typical personality that they can guess. Like talking on the phone, hanging out with friends, shoes, clothes, guys, and other interests. Many feel that girls lack a well-rounded personality into other activities that guys would like. 12 out of 14 say guys feel they what builds a girls confidence or keep them happy meaning girls feel like they have someone to defend them or dont feel alone when they are in a crowd. The guys feel that girls feel even better hanging out with some male than none.
These guys also say that girls are the ones who would likely blame them for actions than girls admitting they are wrong. It also shows a side of them that they can be easy decieved or dominated by a guy.
These guys do find fiery, sporty, daring, powerful girls hard to find.

I know this isnt scientific research ,but I wanted to know some feedback from guys of these ranges and all.
I just wanted to know a guys view on girls and marriage.
I was sorta surprised by this questionaire thing, but I did appreciate taking the time to share thier views and a persoanl side. I am glad to know guys view so at least I know where they are coming from.


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Unknown Guest
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xx Re: is Your Daughter/Son In These Pictures
« Reply #7 on: Aug 12th, 2005, 7:53pm »

I know Megha, Singh, and Anu say is true for majority of people these days, but THEY DO TRICK PEOPLE AND ARE THE BIGGEST LIARS GOING ON!!!
I KNOW THAT THEY MAY THINK THEY WILL GETAWAY BUT LOOK AT MY EX BROTHER -IN LAW AND HOW MANY PEOPLE HE HURT AND GIVIIN PROBLEMS TOO!!
So those who think playing Halloween or all is going to last long think twice and remember the person in heaven is watching you, while you lie and break rules, the divine is planning a way to get back at you!!!!
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Rose1222
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exclamation Dating is not the Evil
« Reply #8 on: Aug 18th, 2005, 12:29pm »

Here are some of my comments:

Where and in what religion does it explicitly state that 'dating' is prohibited? Unless I am incorrect, I believe that dating is considered to be taboo in Hindu and Muslim families by cultural norms, not religious. Dating vs. arranged marriages are merely different systems of meeting a potential partner, and each has its advantages and drawbacks.

It is rather unfortunate that Indian teens feel to need to hide 99% of their lives from their parents, as well as lie to them about it. However, it seems to be the 'easy' way out for teens who are largely unaware of society and are eager to experiment. Furthermore, most do not have adequate respect from their parents to be taken seriously, and given the choice to voice their opinion which would inevitably end in a long, dramatic argument, most find it easy to be quiet and adapt. It is now more essential than ever that parents throw away some of the old parenting rules that just do not work in this century anymore. Children are now smarter, more educated, have more independence, and more exposed to sex, violence and drugs. No longer should we chuckle at their naivety about controversial topics (Ex: Kissing causes pregnancy), but it our duty to educate them thoroughly about these topics, lest they lose their way and get into a lot of trouble precisely due to that naivety. If you know that you child will be exposed to deep waters, teach him/her to swim. Similarly, if you know that your child will be exposed to sex/drugs/violence, talk to him/her about it and let them know how you feel and also listen to their opinions and respect their views.

The Indian party scene seems to be just a way to rebel for these kids – for once they can go wild and have fun and feel ‘normal,’ and then the next day can go back to being good children. It’s an identity crisis, which hopefully most will phase out, but maybe they will just get into another phase that is still focused on associating with mainly all-Indian groups.

Unknown Guest: It is terrible what happened to your sister; I hope she has realized that none of this was her fault and she shouldn’t blame herself or God, and that she is happier in her new marriage. The only person to blame for the past was her husband who cheated on her. But think about this: It wasn’t her ex-husband’s previous dating behavior that caused this problem; it was the fact that he continued to date another girl after marriage. Dating, in itself, is not the evil. If that were the case, I could easily play devil’s advocate and argue that arranged marriages are the problem (Since arranged marriages typically do not involve getting to know each other as much as dating does, had the ex-husband and your sister have been allowed to get to know each other and understand each other’s situations, they may have been better able to make a decision on whether to get married or not). Consider this: Would your sister feel any better if the girl that the ex-husband was cheating on her with was a girl that his parents had previously ‘arranged’ for him to meet, but marriage didn’t work out. Would she feel any better if it the girl happened to be an ex-wife? Then what difference does it make how he met the ex-girlfriend whether through dating or through his parents? In any case, whether the ex-husband and your wife met through dating or through parents, the true problem is not so much what he did before marriage, but what he did after: the lying and cheating is the true cause of the betrayal.
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Anonymous79
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xx Re: is Your Daughter/Son In These Pictures
« Reply #9 on: Aug 18th, 2005, 3:03pm »

It's alright if you find dating right, but let me ask you why do so many teens and young adults hide behind their back and date?
If was considered to be alright than why do desi parents prohibit it?
Another thing you need to read more about religion and realise that the it does mention that people who date do think about previous relationships.
You need open the religion texts because it is mentioned through that.
Maybe you find it alright because you are dating or have been in the past and are afraid of what happened to that lady whose husband ranaway?
Yes, you are right the husband shouldnt have cheated on the wife, but if he hadnt dating from the begining nothing like this would happen.
The problem with you and your generation is that whatever you guys do is right and blame parents on most things about not being modern.
Another thing most you youth dont even go to temples or keep the culture alive but rather live the American life. Live your American life and just be another statistic to divorce and family problems.
Rose if dating was right than why do parents prohibit it?
That's because its in the texts of religion books.
Maybe if you opened the book and all, you would see that.
It's no lie go open a Hindu texts and all read it.
It's so sad people like you dont know much about your own religion and culture.
I am a Philipino American Christain who have studied about Indian culture, it seems majority of the American Desi's dont know about themselves what their culture and religion is about.
This is the major problem, also the so-called phase of desi's partying, I'm sorry but many get brainwashed and dont accomplish their goals. They start losing themselves and be lying behind people.
Megha, is right about Desi people, the Biggest Liars going on playing Halloween.
You tell me Rose that for Indian Independence most wont party and all?
That you wont see a 14 year old girl showing cleavage and be dating or hanging out with an older guy?
Or she wont get a drink?
Rose, you need to admit majority of them are lost souls who want to live American life.
Rather than justifying dating admit that it is wrong because if it wasnt then why didnt your parents or grandparents dated?
Then why dont most desi youth hide and trick behind their backs?
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Rose1222
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xx Re: is Your Daughter/Son In These Pictures
« Reply #10 on: Aug 20th, 2005, 01:05am »

It's alright if you find dating right, but let me ask you why do so many teens and young adults hide behind their back and date?
• Yes, I believe that dating is acceptable, depending on the individual age and maturity level.
• So many teens and young adults hide because they are afraid that the parents they really care about may hastily disapprove of their decision b/c they do not understand the dating system and/or are afraid of it. And sometimes in life it just so happens that the people closest to us do not always understand why we want to take a certain path or may disagree between what is right and wrong. So, rather than to create a conflict with those that we care about a lot (our parents), these teens decide that its easiest to hide what may bring potential disapproval and tension. Again, I believe such a situation is rather unfortunate when children are afraid to tell their parents what they are thinking and/or what they want to do.

If was considered to be alright than why do desi parents prohibit it?
• Dating is a personal decision and different people have different views on what is considered to be alright or what actions are considered alright in a pre-marital relationship.
• I believe that desi parents, especially desi parents in America, because they are afraid that
1. They may lose their child to “American culture” of which most desi parents have none or only a superficial knowledge. Fear of the unknown is natural. (As it is evident, most Indian parents in India that I know are not nearly as strict as Indian parents in the States).
2. Their child would start having sex and be seen in public with someone of the opposite sex unchaperoned (gasp!), especially if that other person is American, and shame the family.
3. That their child would eventually marry an American and completely lose Indian culture.
• While some of the above concerns may be valid due to personal values (belief in preserving culture and health/safety of child, parents need to understand that being extremely strict and prohibiting activities w/o any discussion as to why it is right/wrong only makes the child more curious about the forbidden activity, more apt to try it, it increases the communication gap in their relationship to the point that the child simply stops telling the parent(s) everything and eventually starts lying to them to be able to do the things he/she wants while still preserving some relationship with the parents. In the end, it is the child who made the choice who bears the burden of juggling a dual life leading to misery and depression, while the parents have no clue. It really is sad.
• Whatever differences there are between the child’s beliefs and the parents’, it is now so essential that these differences come out in the open and be expressed through communication and understanding.


Another thing you need to read more about religion and realise that the it does mention that people who date do think about previous relationships. You need open the religion texts because it is mentioned through that.
• I admit that I have not read religious texts, but this is the 1st time I am hearing this. Could you point to which scriptures say this and where and possibly provide me with a way to find it?
• As for people thinking about their past relationships: We cannot expect one to forget his/her past completely. If one still thinks about his/her previous partner in a romantic way when he has a new partner, that is a problem. If he acts on those romantic feelings he has for the pervious partner, that is a huge problem.

Maybe you find it alright because you are dating or have been in the past and are afraid of what happened to that lady whose husband ranaway?
• I find it alright because I view it as an acceptable form of meeting a potential partner. My current or past dating status or non-dating status is not up for debate.
• I feel terrible for the lady whose husband ran away and wish her all the luck in the future with her new relationship. I don’t feel fear and do not quite understand what you mean by “afraid of what happened to that lady . . .”

Yes, you are right the husband shouldnt have cheated on the wife, but if he hadnt dating from the begining nothing like this would happen.
• I disagree. Your logic is incorrect. Isn’t it possible that the husband can date someone in the past, and then (1) either choose to not marry someone else that he doesn’t love and/or cannot be faithful to in the future or (2) choose to not cheat on his wife with his ex-gf b/c believe it or not, cheating is not an automatic response – it requires intention and thinking. The husband had a choice even though he had dated someone else in the past.
• If I were to contend that your logic of “if he hadn’t dating from the beginning nothing like this would happen,” is correct, then it could lead to potentially absurd results. Think about this example: A went to school to study even though B told him that it wasn’t worth the time or effort. A decided to go anyway, but on the way to school, got into a major car accident and suffered paralysis. Based on your logic, “Had A never decided to go to school, the car accident wouldn’t have happened and he would be OK.” This example puts the blame on “going to school” – similar to your example which puts the blame on the dating system.
• EMPHASIS: Even though the husband dated in the past, it wasn’t his past behavior that was the problem, it was what he did after marriage: cheating.

The problem with you and your generation is that whatever you guys do is right and blame parents on most things about not being modern.
• Me and my generation? Which is what? Do you even know how old I am? Be very careful of making such hasty conclusions. But then again, you and your generation tend to do that anyway . . . smiley
• Again, I NEVER blamed parents or the children. I simply believe that it is a sad situation when parents and children cannot talk with each other freely about their opinions and feelings.
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Rose1222
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xx Re: is Your Daughter/Son In These Pictures
« Reply #11 on: Aug 20th, 2005, 01:06am »

Another thing most you youth dont even go to temples or keep the culture alive but rather live the American life. Live your American life and just be another statistic to divorce and family problems.
• See above and
• Religion is a personal issue. Going to temples/mosque/church is not always a true indication of spirituality. And again, my religious views are not the issue here anyway.
• Are you seriously trying to tell me that there are no family problems in Indian families? Are you actually trying to assert that the Indian divorce rate isn’t rising (in the States and in India?)?

Rose if dating was right than why do parents prohibit it?
• Redundant question. See above to the 1st two sections of my response.

That's because its in the texts of religion books. Maybe if you opened the book and all, you would see that. It's no lie go open a Hindu texts and all read it.
• Is it?
• Perhaps you can direct me precisely to which scripture it says so, and I would love to take a look at it.

It's so sad people like you dont know much about your own religion and culture.
• I know some about religion; admittedly, not enough yet to disprove your above points.
• I am Indian and I am American. I know more about Indian culture having lived in it in both India and America. Indian culture is not just about religion and arranged marriages. It is so much more and has so many variations. And while it is great that you as a non-Indian are so interested in Indian culture, I highly doubt that you know what it is really like to grow up in an Indian family. So, be warned again that jumping to such incorrect assumptions that I don’t know much about Indian culture is too hasty on your part.

I am a Philipino American Christain who have studied about Indian culture, it seems majority of the American Desi's dont know about themselves what their culture and religion is about.
• I agree with you here. Most Indian teens here are in a bit of an identity crisis – see my above posts. This is why I believe improving communication between parents and teens is so important now.

This is the major problem, also the so-called phase of desi's partying, I'm sorry but many get brainwashed and dont accomplish their goals. They start losing themselves and be lying behind people.
Megha, is right about Desi people, the Biggest Liars going on playing Halloween.
You tell me Rose that for Indian Independence most wont party and all?
That you wont see a 14 year old girl showing cleavage and be dating or hanging out with an older guy?
Or she wont get a drink?
• Unfortunately, I know less about these parties than I do about religion, so I cannot tell you what really happens at these parties these days, but I do believe that a 14 year old girl showing cleavage is risqué and getting a drink is illegal for a minor, especially dangerous for a young girl in a bar.

Rose, you need to admit majority of them are lost souls who want to live American life.
• I need admit nothing that I don’t believe in. There is nothing wrong with American life or Indian life. Both have good and bad qualities – why not combine the best of the both and see what works?

Rather than justifying dating admit that it is wrong because if it wasnt then why didnt your parents or grandparents dated? Then why dont most desi youth hide and trick behind their backs?
• I don’t believe dating is wrong and stand by my belief. I am not sure if my parents dated other people prior to getting married (they did have an arranged marriage), but in either case, I don’t believe that there is anything wrong with not dating, and I don’t believe that there is anything wrong with dating.
• Dating has become more acceptable in society, in both India and America. But Indian parents, especially Indian parents in America are afraid of this new system and strictly prohibit it. Their children want to date because they believe it is right, and because the communication between parent and child is not steady and strong, teens get scared of upsetting their parents and causing tension in the family. This is why they hide and trick their parents. It’s really sad. Communication is the key to the future.
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Ekta
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xx Re: is Your Daughter/Son In These Pictures
« Reply #12 on: Aug 27th, 2005, 10:48pm »

Dancing with Siva Textbook by Satguru Sivaya Subramuniyaswami does mention that dating is prohibited in Hinduism and that it does makes a person thinks about previous past relationships.

These words are from the Lord Siva and I doubt you Rose would be right and Lord Siva wrong.
If anyone that wants to read what Lord Siva has to say on dating than do pick up this religious text in the library.

I hope this debate ends do to Lord Siva's answer to this question on dating and marriage.

-Ekta


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Ekta
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xx Re: is Your Daughter/Son In These Pictures
« Reply #13 on: Aug 27th, 2005, 11:05pm »

To those people who are unable to read the religious text than do ask a brahmin at any of the Hindu temples on their knowledge of Hinduism on dating and marriage.
Ask them about why Hinduism prohibits dating.

If you beleive in dating and all than do let the brahmin hear your views on this issue so they may understand you. If you feel it is right than do explain to the brahmin.





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Ravi
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xx Re: is Your Daughter/Son In These Pictures
« Reply #14 on: Aug 28th, 2005, 12:19am »

Rose, you must have been dating or have dated before to completely stand up to why dating is right.
You deny and change the subject when a person just asks you a simple question that whether you have or are dating to support your view on dating.
If you feel it is right than do yourself a favor like Ekta said and go to a brahmin and tell him your view along with elders in the temple.
If you strongly agree on this issue than why not preach your views on it.
You say it is right and good, so why not teach people that dating is good.

The reasons why problems in the world arise is that human beings take the holy books of religions and write their own versions of what they feel is right.
That is why we have problems in marriage and other issues because people go against the good teachings.
If people did live by the true teachings of God than majority of the problems in the world wouldnt have existed.
Think about this for a moment. Dating is like Hollywood marriages. The two people say they love each other and go follow their current desires, once the love decreases and the desires, it leads to breakups.
The same cycle starts again with another person.
The "I love You's and I want to marry you" is such a repeation in these dating lifestyles, it's no different when compared to Hollywood marriages.

Ekta is right, if you feel dating is the good and right than do talk to everyone about it including a brahmin.
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