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 veryhotthread  Author  Topic: Wake up call from Reena Patel  (Read 2875 times)
Dimple
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xx Re: Wake up call from Reena Patel
« Reply #30 on: Jul 31st, 2004, 9:28pm »

A Good Idea Would Be Having Those Questions In A Survey. We Can Give It To Guys To Fill Out. I Think It Should Be In Either Paper Or Email And It Comes Back To You. I Think It Would Work. What Do You Think Uncle?
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Roshan Shah
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xx Re: Wake up call from Reena Patel
« Reply #31 on: Jul 31st, 2004, 9:52pm »

There is a difference between losing respect for someone and touching them inappropriately. Wearing next to nothing and getting completely trashed may make others think less of you. Personally, I'm not a fan of girls who wear revealing clothes. I think it gushes of promiscuity. However, regardless of what I think or anyone else thinks of these girls, nobody has a right to put their hands on anyone else without their consent. You don't waive your right to bodily integrity because of what you wear. I think that concept is elementary.

Roshan Shah

Thank you.
Spoke like a lawyer tongue
Roshan was co-chair of SASA 2003 in Orlando, FL and we have spent lot of time discussing these issues.
He is going to be a fine lawyer from Emroy!
Thanks
- Vijay Uncle
« Last Edit: Jul 31st, 2004, 9:55pm by Vijay Mehta » User IP Logged

Dimple
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xx Re: Wake up call from Reena Patel
« Reply #32 on: Jul 31st, 2004, 10:02pm »

Uncle This Is Dimple

Hello Uncle. I am happy that you are interested in finding the problem and solutions.


I was talking to my older brother couple days ago when I read Reena's story.

I think I can answer some questions that I know my bro would say for sure. In the Samir response

I am not from Texas, but I assume this place is a Indian Stores where many youth hang out and pick up girls and stuff. If a girl was trashed and treated badly or treats herself bad, she would be talked about among those guys and in colleges. They would call her some awful names and guys would use her regardless of bad image. Some guys think it's good to date a bad image girl cause they get what they want and attention from others meaning other guys would be like he has his way around with girls.


A Judge. I don't know about how my bro would answer to that, but he believes that you shouldn't act dumb. He's a family man and he treats all women with respect. A gentlemen. He does beleive that a lady should report physical and/or verbal violence to police and family.

About that White or Black girl. Guys won't do that cause those type of girls would call police and such. The desi guy knows that girl may have friends or brothers or family member that may turn violent towards them and his family and friends. Gangs, guns, knives, and fights would be possible. He would hit on a desi girl to be safe.


I hope my bro's thinking would help. I know he would answer like that for sure. I hope it helps. Take Care

Thank you Dimple,

6th street in Austin is infamous for lots of clubs near UT Campus and a popular hang out for all college kids. Thank your bro for me for sharing his wisdom!

- Vijay Uncle

« Last Edit: Jul 31st, 2004, 10:08pm by Vijay Mehta » User IP Logged

Ajay Delta Epsilon Psi
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xx In the spirit of solving the problem
« Reply #33 on: Aug 1st, 2004, 6:05pm »

I agree completely with the fact that a person's body is their own and no one should be able to violate that; my comment was simply supposed to strike up a conversation regarding the manner in which desi woman hold themselves these days. I think that the way a person dresses is the first lines of appearance amongst the majority of people on this world. If I was dressed as a homeless man, people would perceive me as a homeless man, etc.

Even though this holds true even out at clubs, where the environments are set up in a way for guys to meet girls (most of the time), it still gives no one the right or justification to do anything someone else doesn't want.

I personally love to see women (especially desi women) dressed nice and look like they took some care of themselves, so I would never want that to cease. The problems arise (in the majority of incidents involving the disrespect of women) when we all go out and have much more than A drink. A drink has almost always turned into more than that....so I think that is one thing that women should always try to think about. A few drinks is fine, but getting trashed is not (this coming from my mouth would seem as a hypocritical statement to anyone who knows me.)

My suggestion is not for women to stop taking care of themselves before they go out, but rather to be aware of your surroundings and always be ready for anything. Try to go out with your friends that you know/trust. Also be aware of strangers....people that you do not know and would not care to know.

And most of all, come to end up on thursday nights, its always safe there (useless plug hahah).

And to you Dr. Mehta, Delta Epsilon Psi will always continue to support your causes, as we do agree with all of them and have always respected the way that you have helped our community in such a positive way. Thank you for all of your work, and I would hope that it would never stop.

peace all and be good.

ajay

Thank you Ajay,

I think our discussion has definitely impacted few minds. Everyone needs to step up to the plate to curb such behaviors. All involved, young ladies, guys and party organizers need to have a spirit that we want to have fun but not at the expense of someone's dignity. We should not let few guys to hijack our culture and values. I am also going to work on parents to educate them that we do need to discuss these issues in our families at early age.
Thanks
-Vijay Uncle
« Last Edit: Aug 1st, 2004, 6:40pm by Vijay Mehta » User IP Logged

anonymousperson
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xx Houston Rapist?
« Reply #34 on: Aug 1st, 2004, 8:48pm »

This is in direct response to Reena Patel's post about a certain associate/member/resident of OCP. I am a male resident of the Houston metropolitan area and throughout my years I have met 2 different girls who know this certain individual. His name starts with an "H" and ends with a "Y", I won't say his complete name because rape is a serious accusation, and they should step forward on their own. One of the girls admitted that this male had raped her. The other admitted that he had tried in the past to be forceful with her. This is an individual I consider to be very violent, and have witnessed his involvement in several violent altercations at nightclubs / desi parties.

I am curious to see if there are any other girls that would like to come forward (and if so how many) with information about this guy. Name (nickname) starts with an "H" and ends with a "Y". If you feel shy about it and do not want your identity to be discovered, please do not use your real information, I think "Vijay uncle" will help to protect your identity for now, but if enough people come forward you girls should consider bringing legal charges forth.

This is my first visit to your site "Vijay uncle" and you've done a good job touching on some serious issues.

Thanks,
Anonymous
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anewsguest
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xx Re: Wake up call from Reena Patel
« Reply #35 on: Aug 1st, 2004, 9:42pm »

these girls and any other girls that came across w/violent men should for safety's sake report to authorities. if you don't other girls will surfer similar problems that may not only get physically hurt but also mentally leave scars. she may not return to her normal life. you should report to police.

this is a serious crime and even people who may know him should help to report this crime. it's not helping the situation and ur putting other people in danger.
i would feel guilty personally if i witnessed a crime because i would want loyal and courgeous people helping me when i am in need of help. plus this is not right. i understand people not wanting to get involved but please talk to these people to report.

also to our people out there do report to security , adults, or police of violent behavior. don't ignore and walk away
Om Shanti

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guest5
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xx Re: Wake up call from Reena Patel
« Reply #36 on: Aug 1st, 2004, 9:54pm »

I Hope These Girls Do The Right Thing
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unknown60
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xx Re: Wake up call from Reena Patel
« Reply #37 on: Aug 1st, 2004, 10:07pm »

Dear Vijay Uncle,

I noticed posts having phone numbers, fax, etc......
for newspapers. i am a new person here
by any chance can ya post hotlines and numbers for the date rape violence in Texas up at this section any numbers useful for these crimes
anynonmous callers can be able to report

Can Ya reply to this post

thank u


---------------------------------------------------------------------
Houston Police Department
http://www.ci.houston.tx.us/departme/police/phone.htm
------------------------------------------------------------------

Texas Rape Crisis Domestic Violence Hotline
1001 S Polk St
Amarillo, TX 79101-3407
806-373-8022


Rape Crisis Center
Austin, TX 78741
512-440-7273

Texas Association Against Sexual Assault (TAASA)
800 Brazos, Suite 1040
Austin TX 78701
Voice: (512) 474-7190

Rape Crisis Victim Services
Big Spring, TX 79720
915-263-3312

Rape Crisis Program
Conroe, TX 77301
409-539-5757

Rape Crisis Hotline
1723 Hemphill St
Fort Worth, TX 76110-1516
817-927-2737

Rape Crisis Domestic Violence Center
235 E 3rd St
Hereford, TX 79045-5542
806-364-7822


Sexual Abuse Treatment Center
3131 Eastside St
Houston, TX 77098-1919
713-520-8137

Rape Crisis Center
Lubbock, TX 79401
806-763-7273


Rape Crisis Program Montgomery Co
Spring, TX 77380
713-292-4338

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
main one]: (800) 365-7345 Hotline (Texas Only)
http://www.geocities.com/Wellesley/9691/r9.html
------------------------------------------------------------------------

-Vijay Uncle

« Last Edit: Aug 2nd, 2004, 06:01am by Vijay Mehta » User IP Logged

Sunny from ATL
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exclamation Re: Wake up call from Reena Patel
« Reply #38 on: Aug 1st, 2004, 10:09pm »

this is a very touchy subject indeed....i have two sisters so i know i hate when they go to clubs because not only in the desi scene does this happen but anytime a group or single female goes out....and thats y i usually go out wit my sisters and stay with them...unfortunately every girl doesn't have the privelege of havin a guy to watch out for u....but the solution is females don't drink too much if u don't have someone that will take care of u after that u can trust....also don't let any1 touch u in a way u dont' wanna be touched....every club has bouncers...dont' be afraid to talk to the bouncers...also be able to call the police....around every club there are a lot of officers walkin around so don't be afraid to charge guys with sexual harrasment...i'm a guy and i'm sayin this trust me i know ure point of u like i said i got two sisters....and many friends that are females that i end up watchin out for...so i hope u guys know gurls are sooner or later gonna get sick of yall gettin drunk and actin stupid and gonna start grabbin beer bottles and bustin u in the head...aite i'm out for now peace yo 1
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xx Re: Wake up call from Reena Patel
« Reply #39 on: Aug 1st, 2004, 10:14pm »

heyy,

I came across this forum through friendster and i'd just like to make a comment. I'm from Houston, TX and I currently attend UT Austin. Being from Houston I'm aware of the settings of desi parties and clubbing downtown,and studyin in the atx i'm fully aware of 6th street and the settings that going along with that. After reading reena's post I was a little disturbed. Although what she said is completly true and I have heard of these kind of things happening to girls all the time. I feel like the post was slightly one-sided and I haven't been able to go through all the replies so I'm sure someone has already made reference to what I'm going to say. Being a desi girl, at a party with alcohol around, can only mean one thing, a lot of "macking" and hitting on from the opposite sex. What happened to Reena and her friends at SASA was compeltely unescessary, however attending an event like that does come with some precaution. I actually went to the talent show for SASA this year and witnessed some of the rowdyiness, and my best friend from A&M who helped work there told me of the harrassments and misconduct , so I decided not to go out that night, because i knew i wouldn't be able to handle anythin like that. I feel like sometimes us girls cry that we r the victims, when there are a lot of things we can do to prevent these things. Nothing like what was described has ever happened to me nor my friends, however I'll admit sumtimes i've been hit on unwillingly but a simple no thank you, or i have boyfriend sorry... usually works. I've never been physically or emotionally abused by anyone in a club situation, so i'm sure it was compeltly different for the girls at SASA . Before coming to UT, my dad sat me down and told me the horrors of getting raped, and different situations in which this could happen to me. He talked to me about drinking and accepting drinks from boys that I don't know, and the dangers of that. Maybee this is the reason why I am writing this, to tell girls that you don't have to sit there and let these things happen to you. Be careful when you go out and drink, if you know what you are wearing is going to attract negative attention... change! know your limits! parties are to have fun ... it's too bad that that rarely happens now.
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Noni
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xx Re: Wake up call from Reena Patel
« Reply #40 on: Aug 1st, 2004, 10:46pm »

Hi,

Reena, firstly I give you props for coming out and saying what you feel. It's not easy to do that, I know.
So I guess the first topic I want to address is about Indian parties. We all go, we know how it's done. I always believed that if you want to look after yourself, you can. If you don't want to be violated, don't dress a certain way and don't drink so much that you aren't in control of what you are doing. But then a few years ago I realized that this isn't completely true. I know a bunch of people who have been replying on this forum who may not know what happened. Throughout this whole thing, my point is that yes, up to an extent a girl can take precautions to not be harrassed, but beyond that point sometimes its not your fault.

So I came to UT Austin 3 years ago. When I came my boyfriend used to study here. We had already been going out for 2 years and my parents knew about it and were quite happy. According to them I'd found a wonderful person. What they didn't know was that during the year that we spent apart he used to verbally abuse me. But I kept thinking it was just the distance. When I finally came to UT the first month was great. But then after that his temper started to come back. When verbally abusing me wasn't enough, he would threaten me and physically hurt me. Why? Even I don't know til this day. I never went downtown, I never drank, I never dressed in a certain manner. Many of the arguments we had were because he wanted to do things that defied my morals and my ethics, but I stood strong for them and suffered the consequences. For over a year I suffered through dating violence. I had no one to turn to as no body knew what was going on. It took a lot of courage to break free, and I could only do it when my family knew what had happened and supported me.

As South Asian women we are always taught to compromise. Yes, I believe that in any relationship you have to compromise and form an understanding. But there is always a limit to everything. At the age of 19 I went through severe depression. My counselor told me that I was not alone. That many girls come to her in the same situation. You look around you, especially in college, and think that everyone is educated and understanding, but you can be surprised. I had known my ex-boyfriend for 2 years before we started dating, I could never have known. Even til this day, he believes that it is okay to treat a woman in that manner. There is NEVER a reason to be treated like that by anyone.

One point I would like to make is that my ex boyfriend didn't party, didn't go downtown. He prayed, he studied, he was family oriented and he had sisters. So you can't label a person purely on what they do, who they hang out and where they go.

Over the past two years I have learnt to become strong again. I go downtown, but I know that no one care for me if I don't care for myself first. I would also like to add that I have friends who are Delta's and they've always looked out for me. You can't label a group by actions that occur at their parties, but I believe you can by the actions that they take when faced with situations.

One thing I was always taught as I was growing up. You should always be careful of how you act/dress in your surroundings. I know that many of us like to dress up and look our best before we go to parties. But if you decide to roll up in a mini skirt and a tube top, then yes, expect comments. I'm sorry to say it, but it's true. If you don't want the comments, then don't dress a certain way. You can dress well without attracting comments. But I do know that even if you take the greatest care in making sure you dress well and act right, there will always be some idiot who will make a comment or try to do something due to alcohol and stupidity.

« Last Edit: Aug 1st, 2004, 11:12pm by Vijay Mehta » User IP Logged

Vijay Mehta
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xx Abusive relationship
« Reply #41 on: Aug 1st, 2004, 11:13pm »

Dear Noni,

Thanks for sharing your story with us. You need to know that you are not alone. I know, so many, people who act totally normal from outside and they are putting up with severe emotional, verbal, physical or sexual abuse by the partner. Some times this abusive partners look like best catch to everyone else so when you talk to your friends they blame you.

You were lucky that you had the support of your family. You were able to put an end to abusive relationship. Many others are fighting this battle all by themselves with no family support.

In our usual Desi family setting relationship may be underground. Then how can we get family support in time of crisis? It is time we Desi family come to grips with the reality and discuss all these issues openly.

And such failed relationship scars you for ever. It might change your perception for the next nice guy comes around if you do not watch out. I have been studying why so many of our young man and woman at 27 and up are having trouble makeing a commitment and I have a feeling the past bad experience might be playing a significant role in it.

My mission is to bring this discussion out in open so people realize that they are not alone. You need to understand that his temper was not your fault, and make sure you do not become negative towards all the men. good luck

- Vijay Uncle
« Last Edit: Aug 1st, 2004, 11:15pm by Vijay Mehta » User IP Logged

Greatest threat to Hindu religion comes from Dhongi Baba - Dada - Didi - Swami etc.
Help for Women
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xx Re: Wake up call from Reena Patel
« Reply #42 on: Aug 2nd, 2004, 11:35am »

Please don't be a victim. Get help and help others.

http://www.dayahouston.org/
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DontBeAfraid
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xx Re: Wake up call from Reena Patel
« Reply #43 on: Aug 2nd, 2004, 11:53am »

For AnY person that is a victim of this violence and not from texas, you can report by using a local telephone directory. it has many listings of for violence against women, drug, alcohol, etc...hotlines.....u can also ask the local hospital for help.....

women and people of other areas due seek help when needed....
my thoughts and prayers go out for everyone in the world. take good care...

to help educated parents and youth please share this web site to others and most important discuss issues and work for solutions
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Shaunak from Houston
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xx My Two cents for Reena Patel
« Reply #44 on: Aug 2nd, 2004, 12:07pm »


You have brought out something that is not really talked about in the Indian Community..........it is always the ladies fault if she reports the behaviors of MEN to anyone....."she asked for it" Organizers have to take most of the Blame...for letting people like this into a party that they have advertised to have adequate security.....and let them know on the flier that you will be arrested on the spot if we see it happening..........

The otherside of the story........don't go to parties that you know will condone this behavior..........or will have people like this there........"oh but we go there to hang with our friends" you can also go to a safer place like a White CLUB that might have more civalized people......go with guy friends that will watch out for you.......best not to go at all...........it's like a Vegetarian working at a slaughter house....you know it happens there why go...............My two cents


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