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Vijay Mehta
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xx Infrared Dating
« Thread started on: May 23rd, 2007, 3:55pm »

Infrared dating

What you might be able to learn from a web profile or speed dating may only provide you with less than 10% of the information you need to evaluate a prospective groom/bride. You need to equip your self with information-gathering tactics that will start real, substantive conversations and set up key situations for them to observe, in order to get the real scoop on where they are and could be headed. The goal is to predict where he/she will come down on the key issues. Issues that might predict the suitability as a spouse, a parent and a family member. Areas to focus on will include relationship, parenting, professional, financial, family, respect and values along with romance and recreation.

When asking these questions, you have to listen for subtleties, make simple inferences and watch for patterns. While they are good predictors, these indications are far from 100 percent accurate, so you have to rely on all the information available — your observations of his/her tone, body language and behavior. And trust your own instincts.

The following are some critical areas of interest:

1. Is he ready to make a commitment?

• What is your social life like? What kind of activities you like to do most on vacations with family and friends?
• Who are the key people in your life?
• What expectation do you have from prospective candidates you meet?
• What have you done in past year to find that special someone?
• What is the hardest part for you when you meet someone who is seemingly matching to go to the next step?
• What are the challenges of long distance relationship and how do you plan to address them?

2. Will he be a loving and nurturing father?

• What kind of relationship you have with your parents?
• How often do you visit or call?
• How your relationship with your parents different than that of your siblings?
• Whose parenting style you admires and why?
• What responsibility should a parent take for the misbehavior of a child?
• What factors shaped you as you were being raised? Which of these you would emulate and what would you change?
• What role should a mom or dad play in handling a misbehaving 8 year old or a sixteen year old?

3. Will he treat me well?

• His family background:
One of the questions you want answered is, 'how your father treated your mother and how you treats his mother & father.' Also, ask questions about how his parents got along?
• How does he/she behave with you? Does he/she listen to what you say? Are your thoughts and feelings important? Can he/she share in both your misery and your happiness?
• Look at his/her relationships with opposite gender in his life – his coworkers, siblings, friends.

4. Does he/she have any major flaws?

• His/her attitude towards relationships:
If he/she carry a sense of entitlement? That is a dead giveaway that this guy/gal is trouble. Is there any sign of high maintainance?
• Destructive habits: Watch for excessive drinking, chain smoking, or drug use? Self-destructive people do not limit their damaging behavior to themselves.
• Moral issues: Watch out for consistent patterns of misbehavior. Is there excessive use of white lies, inconsistencies in the statements, tantrums when needs are not met, etc. Remember, left unchecked, character flaws tend to get worse, not better. You need to be really clear about your zero-tolerance policy.

5. How well does he fit my needs for the Character of Him?

• Him without you: Bring him to a party and watch him from afar. Collect feedback from friends and family who have interacted with him.
• His resume: What is his level of education? How successful is he in work? How successful is he in terms of the goals he wants to obtain? Be on the lookout for a pattern of failure.
• His values: Ask him questions like: If he could change something he did in his life, what would it be? Is he religious or spiritual? Does he fulfill promises? Does he show up for commitments?
• His moods: A person's real character comes out when they feel bad. How does he act when he's feeling low? How does he respond to you when you're in a bad mood? Does he have patience? How do you argue and how do you resolve conflict?

6. Professional & Financial Goals

• Who do you admire for having balanced achievement in profession & finance at the same time being a good family man?
• How to resolve disagreement in spending or investing money?
• How to resolve disagreement when it comes to financially helping his or her family?

7 Humanity, Religion and Social Responsibility

• What is our responsibility towards family members?
• What is the meaning of our life?
• What kind of religious or humanitarian activities do you enjoy?

Don’t be afraid to ask such deep questions. There is not need to pretend that you are engaged in a casual chat at a local bar. If he is serious, he will respect such meaningful questions. They also help you find out intimate details about his life. Remember, act natural and don't make it an oral exam. Try to frame questions more as conversation. Start by mentioning something about your life and show some vulnerability and openness, and then ask him some of these questions. Listen carefully to the verbal and non-verbal responses.

While all the above are mentioned for a female looking for male you can make appropriate changes and come up with a list for male looking for female.
« Last Edit: May 13th, 2009, 1:41pm by Vijay Mehta » User IP Logged

Greatest threat to Hindu religion comes from Dhongi Baba - Dada - Didi - Swami etc.
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