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Vijay Mehta
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YIM YIM AIM
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xx Infrared Dating...
« Thread started on: Sep 7th, 2006, 4:28pm »

SM wrote...
"you mentioned "infrared dating" in your talk, could you please elaborate on this topic? as i understood, it meant to skip the "80% garbage" talk and skip to the more imporant topics. how do you do that without creeping out a partner? "
Frankly, I don't know why SM can not write his/her real name age and location?
« Last Edit: Sep 7th, 2006, 4:54pm by Vijay Mehta » User IP Logged

Greatest threat to Hindu religion comes from Dhongi Baba - Dada - Didi - Swami etc.
Vijay Mehta
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xx Why Infrared Dating?
« Reply #1 on: Sep 7th, 2006, 4:33pm »

Lot of people think that by getting down to business the partner will creep out.
I am on admission committee of A & M Medical School and unlike many people I am used to zoom into the things that will make me decide suitability of the candidate.
Now, if you are meeting someone who you are really evaluating for possible marriage partner why should you have to beat around the bush?
So right now we keep talking about the stuff that really has very little bearing on that person being a right or wrong partner. Would it not be nice if we instead of wasting time were able to gather information needed to make the decision?
So first step is to start your internal dialogue that if someone asks me infrared question it is actually a good sign and I shall not creep out.
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Vijay Mehta
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xx What is Infrared Dating?
« Reply #2 on: Sep 7th, 2006, 4:38pm »

Infrared dating means asking and accumulating information that will play vital role in making your decision.
We can talk about the weather, job, club one goes to, food one likes etc and in a small way that does tell us something about the person. We talk about education, family etc. But if the things we learn over that time is available from other sources it will free up more time for questions that determines suitability of person to be part of your life.
Infrared dating actually starts with you. What do I need in my partner? Howimportant that particular characteristic is for me? You have to visualize not your need now but your need over next forty years. What traits makes one a better parent? Better Son or Daughter in Law?
This list you make actually speaks volume about who you are even before you asked a single person a single question.
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Vijay Mehta
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xx How -Infrared Dating?
« Reply #3 on: Sep 7th, 2006, 4:45pm »

You have to be tactful as to how you go about it. First do both of you understand that the purpose of the meeting is to assess the suitability for being long term partners? In that case it should not be hard to cut thru the chase and bring up the subject of .." how many people can talk hours without talking about things that does matter. Do you mind, if we actually discuss things that are important from a long term perspective? The answer is going to be yes!
Next let the other person go first. If he/ she is not ready there may be a level of uncomfortable feeling. If you sense it than don't go heavy just explain the concept of Infrared dating and may be "next time we will pick up.'
It is ok to give some examples or refer him/ her to this thread. If you post the things you want to know I will be more than happy to tell you how to incorporate that into conversation without making the other person uncomfortable.
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xx What are some of the things you would like to know
« Reply #4 on: Sep 7th, 2006, 4:49pm »

How do you decide how to manage the money?
Division of labor and chores in and around house?
How to devide the labor when child is born?
How to resolve in case of conflict with the family members - specially mom and dad?
How to choose a location to live?
What ground rules are reasonable during argument?
What are his/ her views on flirting (innocent).
What are his/her views on premariatal sex - pregnancy?
What are his/her views on medical conditions?
What are his/her views on mental conditions?
What are his /her views on physical - verbal or sexual abuse?
What are his/her views on divorce?

This are just few ideas but you can send me more and we shall add to the list. Once the list is formed we need to develop a plan to execute it.

More to follow...
« Last Edit: Sep 7th, 2006, 4:52pm by Vijay Mehta » User IP Logged

Greatest threat to Hindu religion comes from Dhongi Baba - Dada - Didi - Swami etc.
SM
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xx Re: Infrared Dating...
« Reply #5 on: Sep 7th, 2006, 4:54pm »

i guess that's the ideal situation, it assumes both people are serious about talking about a life together.

however, as i'm sure you've seen, the vast majority of kids of my generation aren't serious about finding a partner to either think about these things ahead of time or aren't willing to commit themselves verbally. it doesn't make them bad partners, it just means they haven't heard vijay uncle speak :-P i guess there are ways to guide the conversation along those lines.

you also mentioned a new dating site you're working on. will infrared dating be part of it?
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SM
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xx Re: Infrared Dating...
« Reply #6 on: Sep 7th, 2006, 5:01pm »

heh, i'm glad you called me out on my anonymity. my trepidation stems from two things

1. knowing that the internet doesn't distinguish well between personal and professional enterprises. but, i'm 25, male, and not from a big city.

2. while i've started to think about things important to me during the past few months, i don't think i've finalized my thoughts enough to publish them. when i do, i'd like to stick by them.
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