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Vijay Mehta
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xx Wake up call from Reena Patel
« Thread started on: Jul 29th, 2004, 9:11pm »

Dear friends,

Reena Patel is a young and intelligent student at U.T. Austin. She contacted me few months ago as she was graduating early and wanted to do some volunteer work in India. As we discussed several option available I was impressed with her passion to make a difference in the world around her at a very young age.

To day, I got an email from her expressing her anger at the party scene in our community. The story did not surprise me at all because I have talked to hundreds of youth and have personally been at the party at 1 AM.

But, the difference this time was, Reena was so indignant and infuriated that she was willing to talk about it openly and invite others to do the same.

Vast majority of the parents are in total dark as to what actually happens with our youth. Her honest email is an overdue wake up call to all the parents and the youth. We, the parents, are in total darkness as to what our daughters are going thru.


I caution all the parents, please do not jump to quick solution to the problem. Desi spinal reflex to her story might be to tell your daughters, "why go to such parties and put yourself at risk?"

Be realilstic, such a ban is not feasible. The young women will go clubbing and will be partying.

IT IS OUR JOB TO PREPARE THEM SO THEY CAN HANDLE ANY SITUATION, INCLUDING AT THE WEE HOURS OF MORNING AT A PARTY OR CLUB WITH FEW DRINKS ON BOARD. THE ONLY WAY TO DO IT IS, TO BRING OPENNESS IN OUR FAMILIES, WHERE THEY MUST FEEL COMFORTABLE, CAN SHARE THIER CONCERN WITH US WITHOUT THE FEAR OF BEING BANNED FROM ALL THE PARTIES.

SASA - South Asian Students' Alliance holds national convention every year and 2000-3000 Desi kids usually attend the event. The convention offers an arry of speakers, entertainment and parties. Most participants though show up mainly for parties.

Delta and OCP are some other groups. I like to point out that even if these names are the only one mentioned , the problem is not limited to these groups but it is universal in nearly most of the things youth do these days.

The purpose of posting this email is not to put anyone down but we as a community need to openly debate as to what is the proper behavior and how we treat young ladies. Have we discussed with our boys as to what is the proper way to treat a lady?

Reena's email was just a personal note to me so she did not give a deep thought as to how to present the topic. But I have posted it in that form because it definitely does a great job of expressing her anger at the scene. So please forgive us for any errors.

I invite suggestion as to what could be done to change the scene.

« Last Edit: Jul 30th, 2004, 6:01pm by Vijay Mehta » User IP Logged

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xx Reena's letter part I
« Reply #1 on: Jul 29th, 2004, 9:19pm »

Hey Vijay Uncle,




I just wanted to say thanks! I got in touch with the Pratham people and theyíre working with me to go to India next summer. Iím really excited because I finally get to go!!

I also wanted to propose another idea for the lectures you frequently give. You talk about being an ABCD and dating and mating and whatnot.

There is yet another concern that our Indian community needs to address. As I learned in the first lecture of yours that I had ever heard, we have the highest rate of binge drinking. Along with that comes many
consequences. I am not going to say that I donít drink and that I am not one of those statistics because in all honesty, I may not be drinking every weekend,
but I do on occasion.

In the last year, I have driven at least two friends to
the hospital for alcohol poisoning. Many people donít even know how to tell if someone has alcohol poisoning. It is definitely something you should think
about addressing. I donít think telling people to drink less is going to make a difference, because no one does that, just maybe some tips on how to help out your friends in the situation.

Also, I know the last time we talked you asked
me to consider speaking about sex at South Asian Studentsí Alliance (SASA). I told you I wouldnít be comfortable doing that because I feel that I am conservative about it, and there is a definite reason for that.

One out of four females are raped. Itís a statistic.
I am not part of that statistic, but I definitely almost was. I had a guy try to take advantage of me at a party. It was an all Indian party in high school with a set of parents there as well, and so I thought I was safe. I didnít even drink in high school. Luckily I was able to get out of the situation before anything happened, but it definitely affects me to this day. What does this have to do with drinking?

I have also had the privilege of picking up numerous
pregnancy tests and called around for morning after pills (trying to get them for friends without prescriptions because they are too ashamed to tell their parents or go to the doctor and discuss it) for friends who were taken home in drunken states from Indian parties with guys they barely knew. In Texas, as I am sure you know, that is rape, even if they consented due to the
presence of alcohol.

At SASA (South Asian Studentsí Alliance) 2004 in Houston , I had five guys full on grope me because I wouldnít dance with them. By the end of the entire week, I had hand prints bruised into my arms. I understand having fun. I love going clubbing, but
there is a HUGE difference between just having fun and disrespecting a woman. And honestly, that happened to every one of my friends, but I was the only one
of my friends that turned around and punched the guys. The reaction I got from the guys was even more interesting. First off these guys were about a foot
taller than me, and when I hit them, first they looked shocked. After that they just started laughing and called me a bitch or just walked away.

Continued...
« Last Edit: Aug 2nd, 2004, 4:05pm by Vijay Mehta » User IP Logged

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xx Reena's letter part II
« Reply #2 on: Jul 29th, 2004, 9:20pm »

I saw another girl in the club refused to dance with a guy so he grabbed her skirt and
pulled it down in the middle of the dance floor. Another girl got hit.

I have also had numerous run ins with OCP(Out of Control Punjabi), which is a crew in Houston. I was at one of the Desi Frat party a few weeks ago and an OCP guy sees me and gets his friendís corner me down. I couldnít walk past them so I tried walking around them. So the guy grabs my arm to try and drag me back to him.

I knew a lot of the guys there, but I couldnít say anything because they would have gotten their butts kicked if they had tried to say anything to this guy. Itís so hard because I felt like my hands were tied, and I had to just spend the rest of the night avoiding this guy and all his friends.

Since when have our men been learning that they get
what they want whenever they want it. I dress how I want when I go clubbing and I will tell you that the stuff I wear, my mother wouldnít necessarily agree to, but that doesnít mean Iím saying hey guys come screw me please. Just because a girl dresses one way doesnít mean that a guy can say ok well because you look
like the kind of girl that will put out, you have to be one. Sex is great when two people want it, and hey if you want a guy to grab you, then itís cool as long
as it is a decision that YOU make. But it is definitely not ok for the hundreds of girls I know that are so upset about this kind of stuff but donít say anything.

Iím known as the "prude" one of my friends. No one ever gets why until I tell them anything happened to me, and then they suddenly become so understanding.

I think its time we make our Indian community aware of what they are doing and when they are crossing the line. They really need to wake up, because theyíre doing nothing but destroying the integrity of our own
community and our women.

Vijay Uncle, this is one topic that I will get on any
podium in front of any audience and discuss. I will be more than glad to help you in any way with this if you can help me get this message out. I know itís a really hard topic to discuss, but from what I have seen from you in the past, this is something that you will definitely pick up as a cause.

Let me know what you think. I have been thinking about sending this email for weeks. I just didnít get the courage until I realized how many girls would be happier and how much safer going out and having a night of fun could be if we do this.

Sincerely,
Reena Patel
you may send her email at Vijayvip@aol.com
« Last Edit: Aug 2nd, 2004, 4:06pm by Vijay Mehta » User IP Logged

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xx My reply to Reena
« Reply #3 on: Jul 29th, 2004, 9:21pm »

Dear Reena,

Reading your email was a defining moment of my life! Defining moments are the moments that changes your life forever.

Finally, after all these years of people telling me what is going on (I have known much of this, since I am at the party 2 in the morning. I have learned to read beyond inncent acting by Desi youth) your willingness to open the discussion on this very important topic is commendable.

This is definitely much bigger issue than bone marrow! Once we fix our youth here, the solution to world problem is not too far.

You are the first one who volunteered the information, willing to address it, not focused on "What would people say?" but with a strong determination to do whatever it takes to fix it. I am sure this will encourage others to identify their name and share their experience to give the wake up call to our community.

I am definitely going to make this issues as the top priority in my presentation and whenever possible you can join me. I am speaking to UT Austin freshman Desi class on September 18th. So that may be the day I shall launch new campaign talk about the stuff that you mentioned.

If it is ok with you I would like to post your views on my forum at
http://vmehta.conforums3.com/

Thank you so much for writing me that short email,

Luv ya

Vijay Uncle smiley
« Last Edit: Jul 29th, 2004, 9:40pm by Vijay Mehta » User IP Logged

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xx Reena Responds and project begins
« Reply #4 on: Jul 29th, 2004, 9:23pm »

Hey Vijay Uncle,



I definitely donít think I have done anything amazing, except maybe lose my
temper smiley. I guess that in the end, that's what it took to get all of that out
of me. I would be more than happy to have you post my views on your website.
Just let me know if you'd like me to rewrite it, so itís a little bit more
presentable. I would probably make it a little shorter and more direct to the
point just so it doesnít lose purpose before anyone finishes reading it. I
added in all the personal resentment to you so youíd know how strongly I feel
about it and maybe give you an idea of what it feels like to go through that,
and hey, maybe thatís what people need to hear. Let me know what you think, and
thanks a lot. Itís really nice to know that someone thinks that itís an
important problem to address, and I will definitely help you with presentation.
Like I said, I will get up on any stage or any podium to discuss this. I donít
really care what people think of me at the end of it because if that stops
something from happening to even one person, its so worth it. I will make sure
and be free the weekend that you are coming to UT. Let me know if there is
anything I can do that weekend or in advance or for any other event that you
want to talk about this at.
Love
Reena

« Last Edit: Aug 2nd, 2004, 4:07pm by Vijay Mehta » User IP Logged

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xx Re: Wake up call from a young lady
« Reply #5 on: Jul 29th, 2004, 9:47pm »

Thank You Very Much Ms. Patel. I am so happy that people like you are speaking out. grinYou have so much courage to point out this big problem. I am very proud of you. Thank you soo much! More people need to be like you and help clean-up our community. It's worth acknowledging to Our Community these and many other problems.

I too see many things happening in our society, now I speak out and take action. Seeing so many problems today, I was soo distrubed by it that now I take my time to help. I was given the opportunity to speak at functions and cultural places regarding some of these topics in this forum. It's a good response too from my audience. I also council teenagers and young adults who are desi that have many questions and struggles living in the usa. It is a good service and I help them to see many perspectives and they share their views. We have activities and get them involved in projects and service. It really changes them and make them communicate with their parents. They learn from each other. Ms. Patel I hope you reach out to millions of people and "Wake-Up Everyone". We Really Need That Today. Again Thank You!!! grin
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xx It is time to lose the temper
« Reply #6 on: Jul 29th, 2004, 9:55pm »

Dear Reena,

I think you are right when you say,"I definitely donít think I have done anything amazing, except maybe lose my temper."

But, that is exactly what we need. Since so much of this is going on underground, we as a society never openly discuss these issues.

The time has come for those who are enraged by it to come forward and share their stories, views and solutions. Then in few years we can come up with a code of conduct.

Each of the organizations need set a guide line as to what is kind of behavior is expected out of their officers or members and patrons at their events. By the way, people who organize such parties need to know that they may be liable for creating an enviornment that lead to rape etc.

Is it proper for a young man who witnesses someone pulling the girl's skirt out in public, or a girl being dragged against her wishes to act as if nothing is happening?

Forced sex, Rape, unwated pregnancy etc are not uncommon in our community but we act as it that is not the case. I hope more people will lose their temper and come forward to talk about this important issue.

What scars does this leave on young lady who is subjected to such indignant treatment (specially since it is hard to discuss openly without being labeled a slut or Bxxch by others)?

Thanks to your temper we are now embarking on open discussion of these issues. To my knowledge i have not heard this being discussed by people willing to identify them selves.


« Last Edit: Jul 29th, 2004, 10:03pm by Vijay Mehta » User IP Logged

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xx Re: Wake up call from a young lady
« Reply #7 on: Jul 29th, 2004, 10:28pm »

I THINK I'M LOSING MY TEMPER TOO, angry

A SUGESTION TO THE PROBLEM FOR LADIES
LET NO MAN OR ANYBODY HARASS OR TOUCH YOU IN ANYWAY.
HERE'S A QUESTION FOR YOU:

IF A ANOTHER MALE THAT IS NON-INDIAN TOUCHED YOU OR SOMETHING. YOU WOULDN'T TAKE THAT VIOLENCE AND TROUBLE.....SO WHAT MAKES A INDIAN OR 'DESI" MAN OR PERSON AN EXCEPTIONhuh

LADIES MY MESSAGE TO YOU
MAKE A POLICE COMPLAINT AND EVEN THOUGH IT'S HARD, BUT TAKE IT FROM THE WOMAN WHO COMES FROM NEW YORK CITY. WHEN A WOMAN DOESN'T DO ANYTHING, IT MAKES THAT PERSON GET AWAY WITH WHAT THEY DONE. I SEE MANY PROGRAMS THAT ENCOURAGE WOMAN OR PEOPLE TO TAKE A STAND. YOU SHOULD TOO.


DO REPORT TO POLICE AND ACKNOWLEGE TO YOUR FAMILY ABOUT IT. GET SUPPORT FROM THEM, DON'T REPORT ALONE. YOUR NEEDS MATTER. I HAVE COUPLE FRIENDS THAT ARE POLICE OFFICERS. I ALWAYS TALK THEM. I LEARNED SO MUCH FROM THEM.
ONE THING IS NEVER BE AFRAID TO REPORT.
I KNOW IT'S HARSH TO DO THAT, BUT THESE MEN WON'T CHANGE UNLESS LAW COMES INTO THE LINE. I WILL GUAURANTEE YOU, THEY WILL LEARN AND RESPECT WOMEN.

*****It's about more people opening their eyes and start talking, take some action***

**When You See Kids, Teenagers, Young Adults, and Our Elders Here Talking About What Goes On. Especially Honest & Courageous Desi youth that talk about their experience and what goes on today in the yr 2004 , it's A WAKE-UP CALL FOR SURE!!!!!!!!! IT SHOWS WE ARE FACING SOME SERIOUS ISSUES!!!***

*I have to thank all people here in this forum that talk about these issues. That's POWER, HONESTY, AND IT CLEARLY SHOWS WE ALL CARE!!! GOD BLESS YOU ALL!!!*

****WE NEED MORE PARENTS READING THESE MESSAGES BY MS. PATEL, DR. MEHTA, AND ALL CONTRIBUTORS****

« Last Edit: Jul 30th, 2004, 06:18am by Vijay Mehta » User IP Logged

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xx Re: Wake up call from a young lady
« Reply #8 on: Jul 30th, 2004, 11:14am »

DEAR MS. PATEL AND DR. MEHTA,

I WOULD LIKE BOTH OF YOU TO TELL ALL PEOPLE AT CONVENTIONS, CD'S, AND OTHER GATHERINGS ABOUT MY MESSAGE OF REPORTING VIOLENCE AND SUCH. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. I CAN NOT BE AT THSE PLACES , BUT I WILL AT OTHER PLACES TO TELL PEOPLE TO TAKE THESE MATTERS SERIOUSLY. PLEASE DO THIS FOR ME. THANK YOU BOTH! grin grin

ALSO MS. PATEL DO TELL YOUR FRIENDS OF WHAT I SAID FOR WOMEN AND AND ALL. LET THEM KNOW. AND ANY OTHER WOMEN AND GUYS THAT GET HURT FROM THESE BAD PEOPLE. THANK YOU!
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xx Re: Wake up call from a young lady
« Reply #9 on: Jul 30th, 2004, 12:09pm »

I just want to express my agreement with this course of action that Reena has started. I think it is great to open the lines of communication and find solutions to these seldom discussed problems.

I do want to mention that my experiences have taught me to NEVER trust anyone you meet in these club situations - desi or otherwise. I was one of those people naive enough to think that I could trust a guy simply because he was Indian, that he would share the same morals and values that I have and respect me. Let me tell you, that is certainly not the case.

One thing that makes me feel safe when I go out is knowing that the group of people I'm with will watch out for me. I urge all guys out there: please please please make it your duty to protect your friends from those sleazy guys. As much as I claim I am an independent girl who takes care if myself (which I am wink), I still realize how much of a difference this makes.

I was appalled when I went out with a large group of Indian girls and guys one night. The guys (my trusted Indian guys) thought it was funny when drunk men came up and tried to hit on and grope the girls. They stood and watched; at times they even laughed or pushed us toward them. I will not go out with that group of people again because I expect more of my friends.

I expect my friends to have enough respect for me to keep an eye out and make sure I am not put in a compromising situation. Don't let her walk away with a random guy; jump in and dance with her if she seems uncomfortable. I'm not saying guys need to be my bodyguard, but it is necessary that we all, both guys and girls, take care of each other when we go out.

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xx Re: Wake up call from a young lady
« Reply #10 on: Jul 30th, 2004, 2:38pm »

For Ms. Patel and others who may want to voice their thoughts and feeling about this subject. Please write to this paper and any other Indian newspaper. Many people read the paper and by speaking out about any of the controversial issues and problems we can bring awareness to others. It makes a big differrence and it helps alot. Please Ms. Patel and Ms. Megha share your views to others. You don't need to have your real name printed, they allow you to have different name on the paper and please share your story. This is a good opportunity to acknowledge this and I know Ms. Patel wants everyone to hear her, this is a good way to start. I really really hope you all will write and share this. We need people like you to "wake -up people".

email of India Abroad :
editorial@indiaabroad.com

tel: 212-633-1006
fax:212-727-9730

INDIA TRIBUNE
3302 West Peterson Avenue, Chicago, IL 60659.

Ph : 773-588-5077 :: Fax : 773-588-7011
(YOU CAN POSTAL MAIL THEM THE STORY. IT'S ONLY FEW CENTS TO MAIL :0) )
I FOUND THE EMAIL ADDRESS info@indiatribune.com


NEWS INDIA TIMES

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WEB SITE : WWW.NEWSINDIA-TIMES.COM
« Last Edit: Jul 31st, 2004, 3:05pm by Vijay Mehta » User IP Logged

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xx Re: Wake up call from a young lady
« Reply #11 on: Jul 30th, 2004, 3:51pm »

I agree with all the comments and I really like this web site, it talks about real issues in depth. It's also a successful site because it really does more than just writing and reading about these issues, but take action such as bone marrow and confused desi seminars. There are many benefits to the community in a larger degree.

I totally agree with most of the comments on this site on many of the serious issues. It's true more needs to be done.

I want to share part of my teenage experience with you all. Now I'm in college and in 20's. In the year 1998 or 1999 I was with couple of my friends hanging out, it was a beautiful day to just hang out at the park. So we did and then we started talking. One of my friends told me how she heard a story how at a Garba event outside, these desi guys Indian and Pakistani were inside and outside the hall starting trouble. My friend said a girl was taken advantage of outside in the parking lot. Couple of these guys were physically hurting her. No one helped her as she screamed and trying to get away from them. There were people at the lot, but no one tried to help her. When I heard this story, it really hit home to my mind and heart deeply. Yeah, like Megha said you would think Indian or Desi guys wouldn't get involved in that and be like that. You expect them to be very responsible, smart, protective, have morals, respect, and such. I lost that feeling of trust of guys, any race. And any guy that knows me knows I don't deal with any garbage from anyone. Some of my guy friends get afraid of me. smiley They know my take of guys and many of them don't have a good rating from what you see today. Even older guys that in 20's can be just as bad as teenagers and lie about whether they have had any relations with other females.
So, don't think when you get married they lost the bad to the bone or gangster vibe or character. You need to be careful.

I never dated and I made a promise age the age of 14 to never to the Lord. I got so inspired by the Lord to wait for marriage, but as years passed by I become stronger and wiser. I got many lectures and courses about religions, dating and relationships. It was was very good. It taught me alot the finer meaning of life. During my teenage years around soph. year, I realize many of our guys are disrespectful to others and family. I was so turned off by the bad guys, that I decided that instead of dating just become stronger and wiser. I really didn't find dating cool or worked for me. It turned out a good thing. smiley I noticed them guys were into appearance of ladies and rated girls. I didn't get good ratings then and I always got made fun at by Desi Guys calling me ugly and stuff. Yeah, it was tough and I did cry, but like I said the Lord was there for me. He made me realize how beautiful I was inside and out. he helped me during my ups and down and teenage stage. He also helped me get involved in sports and I gradually developed so much confidence and all. Since I didn't date, I try to go places to try boating, fishing, roller blading, basketball, spending time with family and such. I found out, you don't need to fit in with everybody to have a good life. Just do what you love and follow the Lord. I love single life.

And now, all guys find me attractive cause of my personality and looks. Mostly on my energetic, funny, sincere, smart, simple, sports fanatic side, and all. Some have asked me out * some that called me names while back* and when they ask why. I say" I don't need a man to complete me, I have the Lord and Myself. I'm stonger than yesterday. So Watch Out!"
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xx Re: Wake up call from a young lady
« Reply #12 on: Jul 30th, 2004, 4:30pm »

added to the comments. i thought popular indian guys were so cool and the best.
they seemed to have everything cars, friends, looks, and more.
you think they have everything in the social circle.
i used to be naive too about them. they just rest or them or turn worse.
i remember one guy said to bunch of his friends at a party. he said "women they like toys after playing with one then get a new one."
oh. boy i wanted to say a thing or too to him!!! excuse me, we gotta talk thing. like anita said it's best to make a better person of yourself and be strong.
and males need to work on their attitude and behavior
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xx Some suggestion and action plans
« Reply #13 on: Jul 30th, 2004, 4:36pm »

This issue has by far evoked maximum response on AOL IM and forum. We have more than 138 views in few hours. Few of suggestion that has been made so far can be summarized as follows:

This issue is in important one and we need to work at every level to change it.

Parents: Please talk to your sons at a very early age that respecting the women is the most macho thing they can ever do. Mothers watch your boys and anytime they mistreat woman tell them, ďWhen you disrespect a woman you are in a way disrespecting your mother and sisters.Ē We have focused too much attention on our daughter's behavior because her misbehavior can bring shame to the family. Now the time has come to recognize that boyís misbehavior can bring shame to the family too!

Ladies;
Those clubs at early hours of morning can turn into battle ground for you. Especially if you happen to be buzzing. Plan your protection before you enter the hall and be prepared to leave should you feel unsafe.

Draw a line when you are being mistreated. Do not be afraid to lodge a complaint. Your parents might get little upset when they find out that you were in a place you were not supposed to be at. But in long run they will develop respect on your ability to handle yourself. And if you have to choose between angry or disappointed parents vs. humiliation, always chose the former.

Gentlemen: With few beers on board there is a tendency to show your macho personality by acting ghetto, but please restraint yourself. Just because she is in the club does not mean she is asking for you by name. And learn from Kobe and company that any unwanted advances may constitute harassment, assault or worse. So respect girls. Misbehaving under the pretext of being drunk is no excuse. The scars you leave on her may be last a lot longer than you would ever know.

Leaders of studentsí Organizations and Fraternity and Sororities: A true leadership is being proactive in dealing with the problems. Ghetto behavior is on rise in our community. It seems that after 11 PM in a club setting anything is acceptable. It is only a matter of time, until one such party turns into nightmare for everyone.

Have a discussion in our group as to what is acceptable and what is not, when asking a girl to dance etc. Make sure you kick out anyone not following the guide lines.

Please also discuss what is the social duty of anyone witnessing such a behavior? They need not put themselves in harms way. But they can always call the attention of the organizers or call the police.

Event organizers: Do not take a back seat on managing this issue. When someone attends your event they presume that you will be providing safe environment for them. Failure to do so may expose you to the liability you may not have ever imagined.

In our small town of Temple, TX it was customary for some cool parents to organize a party at the farm few miles away from the town. The party would draw most seniors and their friends - all popular high school crowd. Out side the town in the boonies, away from the watchful eyes of law everyone enjoyed having a good time. Alcohol and weed was available to enhance the party. The cool parents became popular, and small cost of holding the party was definitely worth the return.

It all changed one fateful night. Four teens were driving back from the party. Late at night, under the influence of alcohol the car failed to negotiate a curve on the narrow road. Typical one car accident, car flipped over several times, two teens died on the spot and the other two were in critical condition. All four kids were extremely popular and from powerful families. 15 year old driver did not even have a driverís license. The parents had no idea that boys were out partying at the farm. Soon the friends became enemies. The cool parents became not so cool defendents, liable for all the death and dismemberments. I am sure if they had to do it over again those cool parents would never invite anyone at their farm to party!

Moral of the story: when you invite anyone, you are expected to provide a safe and legal environment -failure to do so, you may be asking for problems.

We as a community need to have zero tolerance for such a behavior.

Let us all work to increase the awarenss of this problem and try to solve it.
« Last Edit: Jul 30th, 2004, 5:05pm by Vijay Mehta » User IP Logged

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xx Re: Wake up call from Reena Patel
« Reply #14 on: Jul 30th, 2004, 8:12pm »

You have to be careful these days.
I remember there was this guy that I met at a wedding.
He was sitting at our table, he was 5-6 years older than me. I was 22 then. I know his family, but I didn't know much about him. My sister and brothers and I talked to this guy about lots of things the wedding, sports, school, about ourselves. It was a very nice conversation. He told he was a electrical engineer with a B.S. degree and taking some time off from school and plan to work then go for Masters. He was a very articulate, intelligent, handsome, and kind person. He looked younger than his age like 23 or 24.

Then after couple months I found out that he had a hidden life in dating. He dated many Indian girls that ranged from 18-32 years of age. I was speechless, and I found out it was true from people close to him. One of his friends said that he dated a 19 year old and thought the girl was in early twenties. When he was talking to her he found out she just started college and that she didn't know he was 27 or 28 year old!!
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