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Vijay Mehta
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xx All Desi young ladies on their way to adulthood
« Thread started on: Aug 2nd, 2004, 4:12pm »

We shall share all the ideas as to what specifically the girl needs to do to
prevent such an occurance.
deal with such an incident if it is happening.
do once you are raped or manhandled
« Last Edit: Aug 4th, 2004, 06:13am by Vijay Mehta » User IP Logged

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xx To all the young ladies on their way to adulthood!
« Reply #1 on: Aug 2nd, 2004, 4:45pm »


If you want to prevent rape, man handling by guys, or humiliation by boyz please pay attention to following advise:

1. First and foremost, accept the fact that the responsibility to prevent rape and man handling lies with you more than any other person or a group. This is not to say that it is your fault. All of you will agree that, the consequences of such an event are going to leave a deeper scar on you than anyone else. So, at every step of the way, you need to have a game plan to prevent it.

2. I think your dad sitting down with you and describing every possible way you could be raped and how damaging it could be to you may be a good way to get the message thru.

3. I know how repressed you all are in our homes and how all pent up desires are ready to bust when you go to college. But, keep reminding your self, that now you are out of the house and you have rest of you life to find out who you are and learn how the environment can be deceptively friendly. I know too many girls who do not feel complete if they do not have a boy friend.

4. Alcohol, weed, ecstasy etc all lower your judgment and threshold for a behavior you might regret later on. I know it is hard but try to moderate the intake and do not let your self at the mercy of others. Buzzing may be a great sensation but it comes at a cost.

5. Plan in advance. Go in a group. Discuss “what if” before you hit the club. Keep each other within your visual field.

6. Do not accept any open drink who knows what you might be taking.

7. Learn to say no! It is age old myth that when the girl is saying no she is saying may be! When you say no to a guy there is no need to have a smile or be apologetic about it. No should be unequivocal. Do not get in the habit of flip flop. If you say no to the guy today and few minutes later say, "Yes" than you are sending double message and the guy might take that as yes.

8. Learn to leave the place as a group you need to plan the exit strategy.

9. Have guys in your group it does not prove that you are a weaker sex but you are a shrewder sex. We are not out there to prove any gender superiority but have safe fun.

10. Report early: If someone does not get the message it is ok to warn them the first time that you do not appreciate their advances and next time you will be talking to the cops.

11. When you do warn someone like that make sure you keep your promise.

12. If you see other female being forced report to the cops.

Continued

« Last Edit: Aug 2nd, 2004, 8:36pm by Vijay Mehta » User IP Logged

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xx To all the young ladies on thier way to adulthood
« Reply #2 on: Aug 2nd, 2004, 5:19pm »


Continued

13. Try not to get too physical like kicking the guy or slapping him etc. Most of these guys are too drunk and too strong. They might consider it a success as long as they engage you in any kind of interchange – verbal or physical. Move away from the guy at the earliest opportunity.

14. If you do get raped, it is hardest thing to do is to tell people. But do not keep it to your self. Trauma of such an event may hurt you for rest of your life. Talk about it to Rape counselor, they will not force you to report but at least you will have rational discussion about your options. They will also help you to talk about sexually transmitted disease or unwanted pregnancy and psychological effects of being violated.

15. I know many of you would never have courage to do so but in vast majority of cases talk to your parents, they will be upset for a while but they can be your best support. If you can not muster the courage then at least email to me at vijayvip@aol.com.

16. Feel free to post the story of where you went for a party and felt threatened and the organizers and cops looked the other way.

17. Fee free to post the story if you go to a certain place and the organizers actually do help get the ghetto guys out of there. Positive and negative feedbacks do work.

18. Ask yourself a question; is there anything besides clubbing we can do that would be just as much or more fun? If so create alternative activities. I was at a Starbucks in Houston at 1 AM and place was full of lots of Desi kids - non drunk and having a good time. Most of them were FOBS like me; I guess you can learn something from us!

19. Love yourself: Develop a good self esteem and when anyone no matter how hot or how good guy he may be, crosses that line do not allow him. Do not become desperate for male attention.

20. Ask your self, am I dressing or dancing or acting provocatively to attract the male attention? If so, do I have any other attribute by which men can respect me and love me? Then use the attribute that is best to use.

21. Never trust a guy and turn over your life to him. They have an inborn genetic defect so when too much of their blood goes to lower half of body the brain ceases to function properly and they are not to able to think of long term consequence. So, if you like him, do not test him!

22. Learn self-defense. There are courses available that gives you the training as to how to defend yourself. In these day and age every female regardless of size needs to be able to learn it.

23. When another female reports such an incidence no matter how loose she may be, and how much personal difference you might have with her; guide your self with the mantra that “no one, not even my enemy should be forced into anything.” This is because you are fighting for a principles and not personalities.

Last but not the least, remember all this discussion is not about finger pointing but to make you safe and prevent a disastrous event or events in your life. That is our top priority. If you come across any situation we talked bout share with everyone on this forum. This discussion is not meant to scare you from going out and having fun but be smart proactively and have fun. That is empowerment!

Journey into adulthood is not as easy as you might have thought. There are challenges on the way, but none of them unsurmountable. Togather we can make a better society.


-Vijay Uncle

(Suggestion: Make a copy of all of above and add some of your own "words of wisdom" then give it to every female as they graduate from high school!)
« Last Edit: Aug 2nd, 2004, 8:38pm by Vijay Mehta » User IP Logged

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xx Re: What do our girls need to learn?
« Reply #3 on: Aug 2nd, 2004, 7:31pm »

Here are some of my tips for you girls:

If possible, do not drink at all as a club is probably the worst place to do so. If you choose to drink, then make sure that you do not accept drinks from anyone you don't know AND you see the bartender make the drink in front of your own eyes, from start to finish.

When you are holding the drink in your hand, cover the opening of the cup with your hand so no one drops anything in it (most girls hold the drink around the glass leaving it open to any one who may want to slip something in it).

Always enter and exit the club/bar with your girlfriends. Do not abandon one of your friends (even if you see her dancing with that cute guy), and always have your cellphone on you in case of emergencies (charge it up before you leave). Keep an eye out for each other.

You can dress, act, dance with whomever you want and drink whatever/however much you want, but be aware everything you do has consequences. If you dress provocatively or are under the influence, you are leaving yourself more vulnerable to attacks. It is not fair, but that's just the way it is. Have fun, but keep yourself safe!
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Ammundeep Tagore
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xx Re: What do our girls need to learn?
« Reply #4 on: Aug 3rd, 2004, 2:35pm »

I think beyond playing the blame game on women in regards to how they act or what they wear, I think the biggest determinant of how you should behave should be by this advice that my own father gave me:

"We (the parents) cannot follow you around and see everything that you are doing. The only thing that we can do is hope that we have taught you well and that your actions will be a direct reflection on how you were raised.

Anything that you do, and you have any doubt about, or even if you don't have any doubt about... but the way you behave, act, or dress when we are not there should be dignified. Whatever you're doing, you should be comfortable to do it in front of us.

And in regards to women: Elderly woman you should treat as if they were your auntie or mother, and any girl your age, you should see and treat like your sister. However you treat women around you, you should be comfortable doing the same to your mother or sister. "

I can honestly say that any actions that I have done in my life, I can proudly say I would be comfortable doing in front of my parents. If you don't think the way you behave, drink, or dress in a club could be demonstrated in front of your parents, then maybe you shouldn't be doing it. This goes for the ladies and the men.

If anything, we need to realize that no matter if anyone is around, you have to live with the actions that you take and that even if your parents aren't watching, GOD is.
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ndnqt5
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xx Re: All Desi young ladies on their way to adultho
« Reply #5 on: Dec 2nd, 2005, 3:58pm »

I would like to comment on the article that Ms. Reena Patel about Misconduct in Desi Clubs.
I just want to say that the article is one sided and seems to blame the guys, while the individuals who were victims are considered to be innocent. She mentioned how it's not the girl's fault, but in a way girls can put themselves in a dangerous position that can lead to rape, kidnap, and maybe murder. I am saying it as a woman because the article mentions that guys should have full responsiblity of misconduct while the girls are considered to be innocent and not wrong. This article does mention a serious problem in America and other parts of the world in Desi Clubs, but I beleive that maybe Ms. Patel wrote defending girls because of her experience which may have caused alot of anger in writing the article. I don't agree that all guys are bad or that all girls are innocent.

These days it seems that majority people go clubbing and may also drink as a minor or have too much to drink. These same people don't let their familes know where there are going, how long, with whom, whether this place that they are going is out of state or not, and such.

Mistake One: Even if you have your cell phone on or with friends or going to a nearby club, you should let your family know where you are going and the details. Suppose the rapist rapes you and takes you, what are your family going to say to police to help find you and what does that show in regarding you not informing them and your own family would get scolded by police for not being watchful or attentive people? Always let your family know where you are going, what time, and be honest. Think about this if the night you decide to go with your girls, turns out a nightmare. Are you going to keep your secretative nightline a secret when in fact it could save your life if you just tell your family honest information.


Mistake 2: Girls beleive that since most Desi Guys are family oriented, educated, come from good family background, that a lessens the chance of considering a a Desi guy as a potential rapist or rapist. Can I ask you this, is there a set universal defintion of a rapist? No, there isnt, it can be any religion, race, age, etc.
Don't assume cause it's a Desi Guy that he does not fit the mark, look at the range of ages, races, etc of rapists in the news. Never, Never, Never Rule Out Desi Guys as are too good that cannot be considered a rapist.

Mistake 3: You see how many Desi guys call girls "hoes", b*the*s, sluts, dogs, desperate, and other offensive names or references. Not only cause of media, but there is a lack of use of moral these days. People forgotten how to respect. Let me mention how some guys refer girls as trophies to show off to their friends and care less about a girl as a person that has dignity, blame girls for dressing in flashy attire and being kinky when they are in presence of guys whether its a club, school, hangout, or whatever. There are many guys who say you asked for it! They say how you shouldn't have wore backless or cleavage showing tops and all, added they say well you were drinking to much, or wanted the attention and sex.

Yes, drinking, being in a rowdy enviroment, the clothes you wear, and your behavior towards guys can make you a victim, but guys need to remember do 9-8 year old girls asked to be raped and be killed by their rapists?? Is their a certain criteria of a rape victimhuh No, there isnt. It doesnt matter your age, background, the clothes you wear whether simple jeans and tee or little black dress with heels, it doesn;t matter if your single, married, or old anybody can become a victim of rape!!!


Mistake 4: There are less involvement of Desi girls and guys teaching one another about these topics like rape, drugs, violence, etc. People assume that it can't happen to them or it only happens to blacks , latinos. and whites. Reena showed that rape is happening right now, been happening 10 years ago, and will continue to happen if more awareness and sction isnt taken.

Mistake 5: People assume that what the crowd or peers are doing is the way to go or afraid to be left out of clubs, alcohol, cleavage showing outfits, or looking like a thug, or go to have boyfriends or girlfriends cuase I cant control my emotions and I everyone else is doing it. It's perfectly fine, to not conform to society's view of young people. You don't need to drink cause everyone else is or fly to L.A. for Sasa cause it seems like everyone you know will be there. Be yourself ,responsible, and true to your good morals.
Sometimes just seeing how others act can teach you what not to do. Like if you know people that are sinking in grades and don't care about their school and life and drinking and all. Than learn from these people to avoid it and maybe try to help them to get in the right direction.







I applaude that Reena and other people on this site sopken about this topic that is
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ndnqt5
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xx Re: All Desi young ladies on their way to adultho
« Reply #6 on: Dec 2nd, 2005, 5:00pm »

Mistake 6: Don't ever let a Desi Guy or any person, whether it's your boyfriend, or someone who know put their hands on you or touch you in anyway. Come One People, these are advice that your mums, dads, teachers, police, and everyone teaching you for ages obey them. If a guy calls you offensive remarks, don't ignore them, rather complain to the owner of the club or security of this disrespectful person. Do Not, Do Not, Do Not, Ever Ignore Bad Behavior and Let it Go By. I you see a guy gropping a girl and being bad than complain, why are letting that happen? What if someone was grabbing you and dragging you into their car to get rape, kidnap, or maybe even killed. Don't you want someone to report to 911 that you are being harmed?? Don't ever ignore bad experiences of behavior whether it was toward you are someone else that you may not know, who knows that Desi Guy is a rapist, are you going to let that girl get raped and her life changed?? Always report to authorities and if you warn the desi guy not to touch or verbally abuse you and if he doesn't abide it He Is Breaking The Law!!!
I bet if you tell a desi guy i am not afraid of reporting to police and I am a stronger, wiser, woman. I bet he would be afraid, and do call the police and report him, don't be afraid if he lands in jail or ruins his future. The truth is he should have thought about it first than being physically and verbally abusive. Suppose a latino guy did that to you, 100% you would report, but not a desi guy that would did the same action of rape or misconducthuh It shows that you are biased towards other races and give less punshment or let something go, cause you feel sorry or don't want him or his family go through appearances in court etc.
That is the reason why many desi's manipulate one another and get away from it young ot old.
Be strong, wise, and seek justice. Maybe that guy that almost raped you got away from pusnishment from you, but happened to make 5 other victims and STILL NOT REPORTED TO POLICE.
I don't know but wouldnt you feel guilty that you didnt report and others had to become victims or be buried in a grave??





Mistake 7: Girls need to realise it's not ok for you to let desi guys get away with thing while other ethnics go to jail or get punished. Be fair and be strong and wise. Rape and these things are wrong, it doesnt lessen rape if a desi guy did it. Always report. Let your family know, it important to have support. Educate guys and girls about these things no matter what age they are.

Mistake 8: There's lack of positive, wise, head strong women in our society as far as young people are concerned. Having top grades, making good money and all that doesn't matter what matters if that you strive to become a better person and continuing to educate yourself through other people's experience.
For example, Carlie Burcia the 11 year old's murder have taught women to not to drive off with strangers and be alert. To always think twice. If a rapist graps you, do anything to get away from him. Hit, kick, punch, throw an object, bite him to get away and complain to police. Learn from others whether they are whites, blacks, desi's or other parts of the world. Always educate yourself and try to watch programs or surround yourself with positive, wise, strong people who give good advice and people who made mistakes , do learn from them. Don't let a repeat happen.


-I personally dont find many strongheaded women that discuss rape to desi women or any other topics. Right now, I feel that the young women my age 25 are no different in dressing, beavior towards guys, clubs, fashion, alcohol than young teenage girls. I feel if my age women or girls were to be positive role models, than many girls wouldnt be trying to go to no id parties or try a smoke or drink. I really feel desi women are one of the most weak people in that sense. This even my age girls are naive about guys and all. It really hard to find strongheaded women teaching and setting good examples to young girls. I see my 18 going to turn 19 in december year old niece now with tight showing cleavage showing top and tight pants, getting a ride from guys she don't know and friends, heading to clubs. She's graduated from McNair academic a public high school with great grades and even done college classes. She got so into all this peer pressure and guys that she's in a relationship with a guy, her best friend messed her up totally added her best friend for all of her
life is messed up appearing in ever party on the planet, from nyc to raghav, and she's like there's so much pictures of her on desi party web events, added i seen my niece in the blue and black shortest tube top dress, and my niece is around 5 feet so the shortest dress makes excuse me to say this" her as& and legs showing" at these clubs or whereever she goes. My niece used to be the most bubbly, kind, simple, funny, smart girl, and know she's with so much atttitude, lies to all of us, and doesnt care about the Hindu religion or religion values. Since she is a light skinned fair girl and naturally beautiful , she takes her beautiful as a tool to show off to guys to get attention and wants other girls to be jealous of her. She leaves to clubs without telling people and changes her clothes at her friends house or elsewhere. She's a big drama queen and expects herslef to become the smartest person on the planet and rich. She talks bad about people that she feels are not smart, popular, cool, and beautiful when in fact those people are the wisest and true to themselves people I wouldnt be surprised if by age 22 she dated a total of 5 or 7 guys. I always given the lectures of rape, preganacy, guys, college, school, no to drugs and drinking, wearing proper attire, being honest. etc everything. I told her parents, but they didn't beleive me when though i said i proof of her behavior, and know they don't talk to me. Even though i was just being a caring person, especially to my neice. My niece is in party patrol pictures and she's too much in control of peers or what society wants, that she's missing out on opportunities in other clean ways to become stronger and wiser and to be a role model. My niece is one of the perfect examples of how people are changing. No one kept her locked in the house or anything, she choose to follow these people, and even though she's thinks she's deceiving everyone. I knw that Bhagavan will get her good and others.


The mistake is, dont think all this partying and popularity is important. You may start drinking today and next thing you know later on you crash into someelse's car and got them killed. Or you tossed all those teaching people gave and before you know it some guy that you thought was hot and cool, happened to rape you.


*learn from others experiences and advice, why repeat same mistakes again.
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ndnqt5
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xx Re: All Desi young ladies on their way to adultho
« Reply #7 on: Dec 2nd, 2005, 5:42pm »

I understand what Dr. Vijay Uncle is saying that parents shouldnt keep locked their kids, but what if these parents of these kids are totally oblivious and they ignore people who have concern of their daugter or son?
Or what if these kids be honest yet they still do stupid things drink too much, act sick, and aggressive when they home ?
Even if you allow them to go to parties or whatever they do, what if they still come home drunk and you're yeling at your son or dauther for having a high blood alcohol like 4 am in the morning and been trying to reach their cell after 1 am, and they dont pick up the phone?
Than what do you say to those mum's and dad's of those kids, do you think that they find it hard to allow them to go partying or whatver and they still break rules or trust? Their are parents that do follow your advice Vijay Uncle of trusting them and keep their word, but what you say for those parents??
I understand the trust issue is important for both sides , but come on you got to be honest with me and others you telling parents to be chill added your kids still get influenced by their peers too much still do wrong things. I am not talking once or twice or third, like many times and than these kids lash out on you and sneak out anways even though you be openminded??

What can you say to those parents that followed your addvice or something same to that and have a 22 year old, and other siblings and cousins way out of control on beahvior??

You told them to allow them some space and open communication, on both sides yet these same kids come home in the most negative way and bring a girl they picked up home who happens to be buzzed as wellhuh
What you say to these parents?


I really admire your open-minded views and trying to balance adults and kids, but as an adult, I don't think your advice to be very effective to many peers today.
I feel many will still do things, them same way even if you kept them locked up in the house. I feel very unfortunate that not only in see in my family, but other families of trouble. I feel as though even though I am the 25 young aunt, i feel that I kind of have to head towards the parents side because the issues are very serious and can land in jail or in the hospital, their are lots of broken houses with arguments, mine one of them. I just cant stand all this stuff is happening so fast, I even she my cousins girls who are 13 acting like they are 20 years old. They talk to older desi guys online, too much makeup, thinking they have to be looking like Lindsay Lohan or Jessica Simpson, and they see everyone clubbing that they go to no id parties like Fire N' Ice, and if they are at a wedding or something they spike their sodas. I have acknowlegde these behaviors with them, my bhai's and ben, and other families in the same position, but honestly to God we feel helpless cause they so infleunced by peers.


Your very lucky that your own children are married and have their own kids, but Uncle, if your kids were the in their teenage or college years at 2005, would they have turned out they same individuals they are today ??

Times changes....and young people are growing up faster trying to be mini adults.


Uncle, Keep It Up. Your doing Great service for us regardless of people's choices.

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ndnqt5
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xx Re: All Desi young ladies on their way to adultho
« Reply #8 on: Dec 2nd, 2005, 8:28pm »

Fire N' Ice party patrol

http://www.desiclub.com/parties/dcppatrol/pp_pics.cfm?id=525

At Krome:

http://www.desiclub.com/parties/dcppatrol/pp_pics.cfm?id=378

*Pictures of how the young generation in teenage and young adult phase, keeping the older generations, legacy of clubbing alive. It's not surprising to see now to see indian or desi girls kissing each on the lips (like how Britney and Madonna influenced that thrend), everyone had alcohol once already or been to a club, and of course the hook-ups or mate checking. The legacy is more alive than ever, it can be viewed a good thing or bad, you decide but it's happening at desi clubs. Not hard to image, if you view pixs or go to an event, you may be surprised how people act different than at home.

(To all those concern adults, you are having cultural, religious events, througout the nation, ti keep young generation traditions and religion growing and kept but sadly more people attend to these clubs like Sasa parties (club) in numbers more than regular cultural + religious events combined. Don't beleive ask how many 19-22 year olds attended temple frequently aside Diwali or Naratri event at a temple? Your Answer is___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
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RdHiKa
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xx Re: All Desi young ladies on their way to adultho
« Reply #9 on: Dec 3rd, 2005, 7:29pm »

"Some Guys Can Be Two-Faced Like Pennies"


you know what im just gonna get to the point. any gurlz out here think that u are strong by the clothes u wear, the music u listen to too, fake gangtress , pimpstress wanna be's need to to get they head fixed.
u know wat the truth is bunch of guys find us gurls as second-class and ho's. they find us too easy and we always on their d***. after for their looks, money, to get lotta lovin from them, & feel safe having a man to defend and love us.

i wanna say, gurls if u do all this, than of course many guys will find u as desperate and cant be w/o a man.

guys know that gurls need a man, cuz majority of gurlz here arent strong. dont be saying that u strong and all this stuff. no wait up, a strong woman sticks to her beliefs no matter what, she dont need to have a man to satisfy, cuz a strong smart woman knows she got other better and important things in her life that keep her happy and occupy her time. a smart strong woman aint wishy-washy person. she'll tell a guy like it is. good or bad. straight out be like telling what's in her mind and at the momment and will tell him to back off and not to mess wit her. a strong smart woman values herself completely and keeps her head up. she keep her values in check and i met couple gurls who like that. they never ever drank, been in da club, had a man, and decided to do their own thing, regardless what others may think of her.
i asked one gurl and she said she's 23 and living up to that, though it was very hard to not follow the crowd in her adolescence and now and also dealt with being made fun of her lifestyle, all the she said was I had Lord Siva with me in good and bad times. He let me know that i was beautiful and that i was to become a better stronger lady, like no other lady. He would always say gurl, just follow me and hold my hand, I will lead you.

that was a very moving when i spoke to her and i realise from her that yeah, there are hard to find people like you, maybe that's why you soooooooooo
extraoridinary. u know what you right on mark, they aint many good clean head dtrong gurls these days.

they busy trying to dress to impress and act like bunch of brainless people. they have to feel they gotta show some of their breast, legs, tummy to get guys heads turned to them. it shows u are weak when u do that. that's just degrading urself and women gender. u dont need to dress in away or act in any way to impress. just be yourself and be true to yaself, that's all. if they like wat they see, good, u got a new friend that think's u cool to hang with, but if he doesnt it doesnt matter. it doesnt matter why he doesnt like u or wat reasons. what matters is u like urself and know who you really are. majority of these people u see in roxy, platinum, cheetah clubs, u dont know them and they dont know u.
with that in mind, dont take seriously or care wat a guy thinks of u, cuz he doesnt know the real u and he's being a jerk for judging a book by its cover. thaty's wat i think. added when we desi young peeps gather in some social event, we tend to act like we have to fit in with others or act cool or ghetto. just be yaself, dont play a role. that's just called being fake. if u be fake that shows and it causes more ppl to talk about u and think u some stuck up person and mean.

i say u dont need a daymm man or boy to satisfy u or your life revolved on them or the fashion world.
guys, consider gurls ho's these days because alot of weak gurls out there. they can sense that therefore they play u with her hearts and minds.

i realised from my own experience and life generally.
i asked close guys that i know and others, they say that gurls are too weak and they see that. they say, yeah i do like a gurl with a nice body, lips, and all that going, yeah i might ask her out, but its cuz im feeling my needs not hers!!! i see alot of guys look into their eyes of their girlfriend , but at the same time got his radar on for other chicks to check out.


a guy can be two-faced, he can call a gurl every name in the book, while with the strong smart gurl he watches himself the way he presents himself!!!
the truth hurt but if u dont respect yourself and be strong along with being smart. than it aint a surprised if a guy treats u as trash instead of class.
a guy knows with the stronger girl, she'll rip him into pieces if he treated her without respect and she'll kick his behind or tell him off. when guys dealing with a stronger gurl that loves herself and be good, than he knows that not a person to play around with!!!!!!!
its no suprised a guy can seem like a total sweetie and so respectful to u, but treats others like they ho's or something.

all guys know that if they dealing with a gurl who's strong minded, good values, dont care wat others think , than what guy would dare to mess with that.
think like this, Sarah Michelle Gellar of Buffy the Vampire show or Rap artist Eve the singer or Alisha Keys, Kristen Dunst, these types of girls fit those strong ladies category. really who really wanna mess wit miss eve, you know destroy u regardless u guy or gurl. (haha)
u know these ladies right here and eve they always stress on teaching gurls women to be strong through their work and if u see they always reminding gurls u aint second class, that women got power, that who gives a daymm about a man or boy, i got wat i need is that im happy about who i am and nobody gonna phase me, either u u like me or dont, i dont care, cuz a real strong smart woman values herself and that is seen each day each second...and everyone knows not to mess with a strong woman no matter wat!!!





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xx Re: All Desi young ladies on their way to adultho
« Reply #10 on: Aug 18th, 2009, 10:08pm »

So I came across this website unintentionally tonight. I am a young lady who has been in church all of her life. I never was one to drink, until a worship leader just 2 years older than me decided we should start drinkn. I knew this guy for years and seriously cared alot for him. I drank with him and two of our guy friends one night. I have absolutely no personal recall of that night, HOWEVER, one of the guys ended up confessing that him and the worship leader raped me and the other messed with me. They took pictures of me naked. It devestated me. The hardest thing i ever went through. About 6 months after me holding it all inside and not telling anyone, it came out and was the talk of my town. I called into work for 2 weeks because i couldnt stand to face people. That guy is still on the worship team. I left my church for almost a year in hurt. No one showed up to my graduation. Now that im back at the church, its still hard.. i feel like i belong at this church but i feel like so many people are on his side bc they are rich. hes on the worship team and its like sometimes i feel like i have flashbacks of that night during praise and worship.. ive had nightmares... and during the year of when i had left the church, i tried drinkn with some friends and when i got tiipsy, i went into a panic... i started crying and sayn over and over that it couldnt happen again. i have no personal recall, i was totally out that night, but its like sometimes i can see it, sometimes its like i know what happened!.. my life will never be the same again.. i will never be able to open up like i used to.. i build a wall against everyone now.. im sharing this only so girls everywher can understand... no matter who the guy is you still have to be on your guard... u never know... never drink without some of your girl friends around.. be safe.. be cautious because going through this completely and totally changes everything about you, youll never be the same!
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na
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xx Re: All Desi young ladies on their way to adultho
« Reply #11 on: Aug 19th, 2009, 2:26pm »

I am sorry to read about what happened to you. I hope that God gives you a lot of strength and healing to move forward in life without feeling inhibited.
I am glad that you wrote about your experience, because there are many teens, college age girls, and older think that they are safe when they drink. Even if you are with friends, doesn't guarantee that you will be safe or proected by them. I noticed even friends too push there friends towards guys or encourage them to meet, talk, and date them. So I don't agree that drinking with friends is a good or safe because they too are more than likely intoxicated as well and they might pressure you to talk to guys and date them.

I think it's a person's responsiblity to guard themselves and don't rely on your friends or boyfriends to protect you. People should be smart about that along with not being intoxicated. I am sure there were many girls or women out there that been raped and never reported or told their parents or trustworthy person. And guys who have raped or continue to rape females because the girls never reported them to the police. It just creates more victims with scars.

The reason why, Reena Patel wrote that article is because I wrote a post many years back saying that Indian guys are no different than other guys, they can harm a girl too. The question got Reena thinking and got her to speak about rape here on the site It took a lot of courage on her part to educate people out there guys or girls that rape is wrong and to report it. I emphasized to her that she should mention in the article to girl to report to police if they have been raped. Tell your parents and trustworthy person about the incident no matter what. A person that has been raped need support during difficult times.

I think these guys shouldn't get away from their crimes also they might have done that to others girls as well. I think you should report them to the police or something. They got away with the crime and the worth part is that you have to suffer for their bad choices and maybe other girls as well.

Thank you for sharing your personal pain to us. You are strong to do that and I hope you educate more and more people out there that rape is wrong and people should report to the police.

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na
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xx Re: All Desi young ladies on their way to adultho
« Reply #12 on: Aug 19th, 2009, 2:44pm »


Websie for rape, domestic, verbal, and other crimes and pain.

http://www.rainn.org/

Rainn is a site that helps those that are going through abuse whether physical, verbal or both and those been through rape and other crimes.

Check out the website for anyone that needs help. Talk to a professional and get advice from reading the articles and talking to a counselor.


I think you should talk to a professional about your past so you can heal and become stronger. Educate others about your experience and how they should report to POLICE and have supportive family and trustworthy people on their side during these difficult times.
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ZAC
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xx Re: All Desi young ladies on their way to adultho
« Reply #13 on: Sep 2nd, 2009, 10:39am »

FOR BEST DEFENSE ALWAY CARRY A PEPPER SPRAY WHICH CAN BE DISGUISED AS A NORMAL RING THAT A WOMEN MAY WEAR.. THIS IS THE BEST AND SAFE WAY OF DEFENSE INORDER TO RUN OR SMACK THE DUDES BUTT...
THE LAST RESORT DO CARRY A LEGAL LICENSE GUN ONLY IF YOU KNOW HOW TO USE IT IN THE RIGHT WAY....

AND AS FOR THE WOMEN WHO ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR A CUTE GUY ...TAKE YOUR FATHER WITH YOU TO A CLUB AND SHOW HIM A GOOD TIME....
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