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Vijay Mehta
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xx Assisted Matchmaking - What, Why & How?
« Thread started on: Feb 27th, 2010, 7:40pm »

What is Assisted Infrared Dating and how does it differ from traditional dating?

Now as you see more and more participants on my “seriously looking album” there has been a spirited debate in our community.
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=110404&id=500058914
and
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=110403&id=500058914
Is it wise to put your self out there? Could it spoil your chances of finding someone if you post your profile on Vijay Uncle's page? Few of the participants had to drop out because of the negative feed back from their loved ones. No one has asked a simple question, “ if you are of age and if you are normal and if you do not have special someone – why do you have to be secretive about your search for your mate? If you are willing to put your profile on shaadi to be approached by someone you have no clue about (he may be married with children, who knows?) then why are you so afraid to put your profile in Vijay Uncle's page.

The sceptics simply do not understand the advantage of posting in my album. It comes with an added benefit of 'Assisted Infrared dating.'

Here is the breif introduction to our concept:

For Seriously looking only:

This process is open to those who are at a stage in life where they are seriously looking for the right person. When you join you are “seriously looking by your proclamation” however, as you go through the process and you put the sincere efforts you will become “seriously looking by behavior!” We request those who are not at that stage to please make room for those who genuinely are serious.


Fix what you have before you look for what you want:

If you are also exploring some prospect you can still join our program. As long as you keep me informed it is acceptable. By joining our program it will bring some guidelines from me. You may be benefited by making the process transperant and goal oriented.


Total package:

once you are engaged in infra red dating we expect you to look at the total package rather than just the curb appeal. As a matter of fact after you evaluate few prospects do not be surprised if you are being challenged on your inability to look at the total package or being blinded by superficial attributes at the expense of ignoring the core values that may be vitally important to a successful marriage life.


Progress report:

it is important that both parties keep me posted as to the progress of the conversation. One thing we do not like is to wait for weeks or months to acquire the information that can be accomplished withing hours or days. For some reason if one of the participant is busy and can not devote time and energy needed he/she needs to inform me, so we can schedule other prospect to proceed with


Reassessment:

after half dozen encounters it will be time for reassessment. Serious people do not keep doing the same thing over and over and expect different results. Reassessment is divided into few broad categories. Your product – what strategy do you have to improve who you are? Marketing: what new ideas you have to improve your chances of meeting your match? Expectations: what if any changes need to be made in our expectation – what deal breaker needs to be modified?


Time is of essence:

Wasting the time is not fair to your prospect and may be an offense to your next generation. Seriously looking candidates should be constantly looking for the ways to making the process more efficient. Our goal is to acquire maximum relevent information in minimum time.


Targetted marketing:

One added advantage of this process is that when someone including participant points out a potential interest I send them a message asking them if they are seriously looking and, if yes, what is his/her opinion of the given prospect.


Disqualification from the program:

If you are found to be not serious you may be dropped from this program or album. If there is evidence that participant is not acting in good faith I do reserve rights to drop you out of our program. This program is not for everyone. There are those for whom this process may not be the one they need. I rather spend my time and energy for those who genuinely need my help.


Our mission and Goal:

There is a lot of misunderstanding as to what we are trying to accomplish here. I am not so much focused on making a match, neither do I measure the success of the program by how many people get married. My mission is to remove the sense of helplessness many of our young men and women feel as they look for the suitable mate. Establish some guidelines for both of them to follow and guide them through this difficult process.


Infra red events:

I am working on conducting Infra red dating events in 4 – 5 major cities over next year. These events will be aimed at those who are seriously looking. We are looking at New York (or northeast), Chicago, Dallas, Los Angeles, Toronoto, Atlanta, Las Vegas etc. I am looking for volunteers who are willing to contribute time and energy to organize these events. I am also looking for few leaders at national level to co ordinate all these events.


How much does it cost?

At this time and hopefull through the process I hope we do not turn it into a business. To me this is a community service. Just as finding the bone marrow match to save the life of someone was important the same way finding the match for making your life is an important community challenge. Many have cautioned me that what people get for free they do not appreciate. I think there is some truth to it. One of the concept I am open to is to use any income generated through the process to donate to a worthy cause.


What is infra red dating:

There are many characteristics of a person which are visible easily. We can see the physical attributes, find out about education back ground and professional status, learn about the caste, religion, dietary preference, etc. However your mission is to ascertain the suitability of the person for a 50 year job. You need to evaluate the his/her as companion, friend, sex partner, co parent of your children, co manager of money and crisis in your life, co manager of your parents and children. In order to look beyond the curb appeal both parties are encouraged to engage in exploring the issues beyond surface by asking the questions that will give you a glimpse at the core. In traditional dating situation both paties are afraid to come across as too strong and lose a prospect as a results. In our system we not only encourage but we insist on infra red dating.No questions are out of bounds. After all you are trying to decide if the person is fit to be the most important person in your life. I have posted few of the possible questions on my site.
http://vmehta.conforums3.com/index.cgi?board=NetIP2009&action=display&num=1253391521
Please be creative and design more questions that will help you explore the person at depth and forward it to me and I shall add to the list.


Feed back:

Honest feed back is important part of our program. At the end of the process both participants need to send me a detail feedback on their interaction. It should be specific as to what was the actual conversation and what was the inference etc. I shall forward your feedback with my own observation to the other party. Your feed back helps me enables me to view the world from your eyes. Sometimes it also may give me an insight into your unrealistic expectation. Well, in that case rest assured you will get a free uncle leacture!

You should send the detail feedback to me and we go over where we stand at that time.
One of the three outcomes are likely.
1.You found out that other person was so bad that you would not even recommend to anyone you know.
2.You may like the person but few areas did not match, in that case you try to pay forward by introducing him/her to someone who might be a better match.
3.You may decide to proceed further.


Pay it forward:

Once you finish the whole process chances are you know him/her much better than most of the people around him/her. Now, for some reasons you find that you are not competible but at the same time prospect is a wonderful person you are encouraged to pay it forward. If you know any one who will be the right match for him/her I hope you introduce them both. To me this is our community wide problem and if we can do anything to assist anyone it is worth doing.


Keep a diary:

Keep alog of your efforts and results: It is vitally important for all the participants to keep a log of the efforts they made and the results they achieved over the period of time. Weekly reflection may help you avoid wasting months and years without taking corrective actions.

Be your authentic self - no playing games!

Forget all those self help books and darting coaches who might have contaminated your brain by giving you some tips on how to play hard to get and be elusive etc. In our process we encourage all the participants to present their authentic self - no need to lay the foundation of a long lasting relationship on some sort of game. It is ok to cal the guy (if you like him) it is ok to inquire about the progress if you feel you need to know. Granted few guys or gals may get scared and walk off. But trust me they were not meant for you in the first place.


« Last Edit: Feb 27th, 2010, 8:48pm by Vijay Mehta » User IP Logged

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Vijay Mehta
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xx Assisted Matchmaking - What, Why & How?
« Reply #1 on: Jul 7th, 2010, 5:55pm »

Do not spread yourself thin:

Do not spread yourself thin: It is not unusual that you may receive half a dozen interst over a short period of time once you post your profile. You will be notified of all the interests. Your job is to screen all the prospects and decide as to which one you would like to purse first, of course if he or she is also available. Once you start the process with one person please invest all your effort on that person until you are satisfied that you had a chance to look at the total package and only than make up your mind. Avoid the tendency to judge from curb appeal.

I schedule the dating as the person becomes available and tells me that he/she does have time to devote to this intense process. During the process both of you keep me updated as to progress or road bumps your way.


Learn more about yourself through the eyes of prospect:

As I get more feed back from the prospect I will be in a better position to advise you as to what you could do different. In too many cases what you tried to convey to the prospect and what he/she received is totally different. Such misconception can be cleared up easily by my assistance.

This is not a top secret mission:

what are you trying to hide? Those whose profile is public such as have an advantage that they are maketed widely. So many people who are not even my friends do manage to get a look at what is happening in this revolutionary approach. And many a times I receive a referral for one of our participants.


Work in progress:

This process have never been tried before and I am not aware of anyone else doing the similar process. So it is natural that as we proceed the process may need adjustment.


Disclaimer:

As many of you know I have no special education or training in the area of match making. Neigher have I published any book or received any award for my process. This mission is born simply out of the necessity our community is facing to day. And there are many ways of assisting prospective young Desi men and women this is one more option. No success is guaranteed. Our goal is to provide you with the tools so you can go out with confidence and able to find the right match. It is not unusual that you may receive half a dozen interst over a short period of time once you post your profile. You will be notified of all the interests. Your job is to screen all the prospects and decide as to which one you would like to purse first, of course if he or she is also available. Once you start the process with one person please invest all your effort on that person until you are satisfied that you had a chance to look at the total package and only than make up your mind. Avoid the tendency to judge from curb appeal.

I schedule the dating as the person becomes available and tells me that he/she does have time to devote to this intense process. During the process both of you keep me updated as to progress or road bumps your way.

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