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Vijay Mehta
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xx Single Mom by Choice - Upcoming Desi Trend?
« Thread started on: Jan 7th, 2011, 2:32pm »

According to the latest census data 41% of children in USA are born to single mother.This will have serious impact on the society of to morrow.

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Single Mother by Choice not by an accident - Upcoming Desi Trend!
We live in a revolutionary (not evolutionary) times. What seem like a mortal crime a generation ago (being a single mother - Dhoolka Phool) is being considered as an option now.

Too many things have changed over a short period of time. First Desi woman of to day is self sufficient and is able to make choices that meet her need rather than the choice that will fit the societal expectation. Single mother is already prevalent in society at large so it does not feel as awkward. Highly accomplished Desi woman are not able to find the soul mate of their choice while the biological clock keep ticking. As they get older and find themselves at the blind end many woman are seriously considering their future life. And as horrible as it may sound many of them are actually considering options to become a mother even if they do not a wife.

As so many women face a nearly impossible task of finding a suitable soulmate in their mid thirties they ask a difficult question, "do I let go the joy of motherhood or settle for anything due to time constraint? "

While Single mother by choice are rare in our community, I have a feeling that it is about to change.

Of course there are multiple options. I am not a fan of duping a guy to donate DNA without his knowledge. You do not want to complicate the life of your child before he/she has a chance to take a breath.

Adoption may sound like a charitable act of raising a needy child but the psychological and legal issues need to considered.

Sperm Bank seems to be an attractive option. You can choose the sperm knowing some basic facts about the prospective Anonymity is a big plus, so he can not walk in one day in future to complicate your life. This is relatively cheap and your child does resemble you.

The sperm banks do not have a large pool of Desi donors. May be we need to campaign for 'top of the line guys" to join the movement. "Giving a gift of life is highest act of spirituality," as I would say for Bone marrow donor- might also apply here!

This is a complex issue and I do not expect to have majority to agree to any position. But based on my conversation with hundreds of single desi women who are in late thirties I get the feeling that most of them have toyed with the idea.

This is another issue we need to discuss openly. M M deserves our appreciation for bringing it out in public.



Single Desi Mother: Adoption to Surrogacy
By M M • Jan 7th, 2011 • Category: 24/7 Talk is Cheap - The Blog

Being in your 30’s and single has its perks….you have no real responsibilities, all the money you make is for yourself, you can engage in self-discovery, you can choose to pick up after yourself in your own place or not….

There is also a downside to being single, you may want children and have a ticking biological clock inside of you, you may thrive off of love and affection, there may be no security, etc, etc….

If you are in your 30’s, single and loving it, then don’t change a thing, enjoy your freedom and keep moving. However, if you are fretting about your age and feeling the tick tock of the clock then maybe you should consider other options…

After dating in your 20’s and 30’s, you have learned enough about yourself and what you can expect from the Universe. If dating isn’t your thing and the men who are crossing your path don’t seem to be stepping up to the plate, then maybe it is time to re-evaluate your current situation.

It is not uncommon for women to want to start a family without the help of a husband. I mean the divorce rate is so high; a lot of women are raising their children in single family households. There have even been movies out demonstrating the biological desire for a woman to get pregnant and raise a child on her own (e.g. ‘Baby Mama’ starring Tina Fey; ‘The Switch’ starring Jennifer Aniston; and ‘The Back up Plan’ starring Jennifer Lopez).
Choosing to raise a child on your own is not easy. However, you should not be deprived of the opportunity because you could not find your soul mate.

You may have everything in life, the finances, the cushy job, a supportive family, the beautiful house and great car. However there may be still a void in your life that you just can’t seem to fill, no matter how hard you try. Below are several options for you to consider, when thinking about starting your own family independent of the boyfriend/husband.

If you are going to have a baby, you might as well have fun trying. One night stands are good. Conveniently forget your birth control pill for a couple of nights. If the guy gets angry (which he most likely will), then tell him you are sorry. Another option is to take one of your oldest and bestest guy friends and enjoy a night of pure passion. Picture Saif Ali Khan during the night and that should do the trick. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. If a little miracle comes through, you can raise the child separately or together. Who knows sparks might eventually fly. Agreements sometimes develop between old friends of the opposite sex, if neither of you are married by a certain age, then you marry each other. Why wait?? There is no time like the present.

In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) is a process in which egg cells are fertilized by sperm outside the body. IVF is a major treatment in infertility when other methods of assisted reproductive technology have failed. The process involves hormonally controlling the ovulatory process, removing ova (eggs) from the women’s ovaries and letting sperm fertilize them in fluid medium. The fertilized egg is then transferred to the patient’s uterus with the attempt to establish a successful pregnancy. This method is an expensive method to try. However, if you have trust issues and you don’t believe in casual sex, then this may be a good option for you. It may take several attempts to be successful. But at the end, it will be worth it.

Surrogacy is an arrangement where a woman agrees to become pregnant and deliver a child for another couple or person. She may be the child’s genetic mother (the more traditional form of surrogacy) or she may carry the pregnancy to delivery after having been implanted with an embryo with another female’s genetics. Hmm, I am not sure how I feel about surrogacy. I have seen a number of lifetime movies where the surrogate mother changes her mind and wants full custody of the baby. It then creates havoc on the person who is looking to have a baby. If you trust the surrogate mother and you have an iron clad legal contract, then surrogacy might be worth trying.

Adoption is a process whereby a person assumes the parenting for another who is not kin, and in doing so, permanently transfers all rights and responsibilities from the original parent or parents. Adoption is intended to effect a permanent change in status and in such requires societal recognition, either through legal or religious sanction. The upside of adoption is you get to give a child that has been given up by his/her biological parents a home. There is no sweeter service than that. The downside of adoption is that you don’t get to experience the joy of pregnancy and the pain of giving birth. The child you will be raising won’t have any of your genes and will come with a whole new genetic package. Make sure that you are ready for that.

It is not easy being in your 30’s…whatever choices you make, could affect the rest of your life. However, always remember, that you could never make the wrong decision.

XOXO
M M




« Last Edit: Jan 13th, 2012, 09:20am by Vijay Mehta » User IP Logged

Greatest threat to Hindu religion comes from Dhongi Baba - Dada - Didi - Swami etc.
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